Living life and loving it

On this month of love

2012-02-08T13:24:00.005-06:00

I was going to write another one of those serious posts that has been skipping around my brain for a long time now, but I decided that maybe I should chill a while with all the seriousness. You can thank me in the comment section. I may bring it on next week though.

But for now I'll be answering a few questions that have been going around the blogosphere lately. Enjoy, yes?

1. How long have you and your significant other been together?

We've been together for 6 years. Married for almost 5.

2. How did you meet? {What's your "love" story?}

We met through a common friend who was living with Brandon at the time. I went to help him move out. Later on I found out that, as soon as I proceeded to pick up our friend's dirty clothes off the floor, Brandon was sold. I guess that's what gets him. Laundry. Mmmk...

3. If married, how long have you been married? If not, is this the guy you hope to marry? {do tell}

This year we'll be celebrating 5 years. Most days it feels like it just happened a few months ago. Other days? Well, I won't tell you about other days.

4. If you are married, where did you get married at? Big or small wedding? If not, where would you like to get married? And will it be big or small?

We were married at this cute little golf course in a Metro Detroit suburb and we had about 150 of our friends and family joining us in our celebration.

5. Do you have any nick-names that you call one another? Do share!

Umm... yes. Let's see. There's sweetie, babe, lov-ah, honey, and once in a while he get's a 'cra-ka please.' Don't you judge me now.

6. Name 3 things you love most about your honey.

The man works hard for his family, he is loyal, and he would do anything for his two main girls. Oh, and he knows a move or two that makes my heart skip a few beats. Just had to throw that out there.

7. Tell us how he proposed?

He picked me up from my dorm in a limo, and proposed on a beach, in April, in 30 degree weather while I was wearing a little black dress. The rest is history.

8. Is he a flowers and teddy bear kind of guy for v-day, or strawberries, champagne, and rose petals?

Ummm....I don't really think he's any of the above. We're still working on his romantic side. BUT. I would have to say he is more of a roses and dinner kinda man.

9. Are you a sunset dinner on the beach kind of girl, or pop a movie in and relax on the couch?

Idealy? Most definitely a sunset dinner on the beach girl. I mean, who isn't? In actuality however, 90% of the time we end up on the couch watching a movie. And that's totally fine too. Really.

10. Tell us one thing you'd like to do with your significant one day. If you could do anything? Go anywhere?

I would love for us to travel more. We've been to Europe a few years ago, but the time was spent mostly visiting my family rather then exploring. I would love to go back and actually take it all in. And eat my way through every country. Yes please!

11. Tell us what you plan on doing on this Valentine's Day.

We almost never do anything special for V-day. But this year I made sure to get a babysitter in time, and we're going to my fave restaurant in town. AND... You ready for this? I'm planing on getting out of my sweats and dressing up for a chance.

12. Are you asking for anything this Valentine's day?

Once again, we usually don't give each other anything special for Vday. I usually get flowers, and I find that very sweet. HOWEVER, Brandon just told me the other day that he ordered my present, which was quickly followed by me saying "Oh, crap. How much did you spend?" Because you see, now I gotta get him something, and I would need to know if we're talking the price range of a card or an exotic vacation.... I guess he still insists it's a surprise.

13. Give us one piece of advice of keeping a relationship strong and full of love.

Just ONE advice? That's all you want? I would say be honest with one another, and communicate often during the good and bad days. And once in a while bring out the eatable massage oils. Wait, did I just say that?

14. Show us a picture of what love means to you.

It's no secret that those two mean the world to me. The love and happiness that they bring into my life is out of this world. Of course, I had to end it on a sappy note...

Linking up with Becky over here.

Her Story: Kerri

2012-02-07T01:00:00.000-06:00

Hey there peeps.

Welcome to a new 'Her Story' series.

Today, I've got the lovely Kerri here, sharing a little bit of her past with you and I.

I've only known Kerri for a a little while now, but not only is this girl gorgeous, she is a total sweetheart, as well.

I hope you get to know her, too.

{Click above to read the rest of the 'Her Story' series.}

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I’m so honored and excited to be a part of Tatiana’s series! The stories here are amazing and beautiful, and really show the vast array of struggles and triumphs that we all go through. With that said, here is my story…

It was 2 AM. I was a senior in a very rigorous Bachelors of Science in Dental Hygiene program. I had one more final left before Christmas break, but something was wrong. Pain seared through every nerve in my body and I jolted awake. My mind tried to catch up with what was happening to my body. For hours that night I lay on the bathroom floor, alternating between vomiting from the pain and rocking back in forth in agony, unable to be still. My father (an ER physician assistant), visiting for Christmas break, showed a face full of concern as he told me I should go to the emergency room. Being the stubborn, “I’m okay, let’s just get through this thing”- kind of person that I am, I waved aside the concerns. Hours passed, and despite my dad’s advice, I somehow managed to drive to the school where I took my final. In twenty minutes, I finished, and by this time, I knew that something was really wrong. At eleven that morning, I finally went to the ER.

It’s hard to describe the nightmare of that day. Everything that could possibly go wrong went wrong. My blood pressure dropped to 60/40 (normal is 120/80), they couldn’t find anything on the ultrasound, they mixed up my CT scan with another patient, and then, when they found it, the ER doc didn’t read it thoroughly. My pain couldn’t be controlled by morphine this point, and I settled into a semi-conscious haze. My body was done. Finally, at around 2AM the next day, I was wheeled into emergency surgery….my CT scan had finally been sent to the radiologist to read, and he told the doctors I had advanced appendicitis and to get me into surgery right away.

To this day, I have a hard time thinking back to that experience and what may well have happened if they had sent me home, like they originally planned. I’ve been told by many medical people that I probably wouldn’t have survived, as my appendix had already started rupturing when they got me to surgery.

Life went on, although not as easily as before. I went right back to school after Christmas break, just hoping to get back into the normal groove of life. But I didn’t feel good at all. By March I finally started to feel like a person again. By April, I was getting excited about the long-awaited prospect of graduation, I was dating someone, and life was good. And then the pain and nausea came.

Because of everything I went through on that scary night with the appendicitis, three years of my own personal nightmare ensued. I went undiagnosed with tremendous pain and nausea for many months. I took a short leave of absence from school to fly cross country to my dad’s hospital to have every test possible done. I was told by many physicians that nothing was wrong, and one even told me straight out that I was “nuts.” Being the farthest thing from a hypochondriac, this really stung. Finally, the summer after graduation (I did somehow manage to graduate on time, much to the surprise of my faculty and family!), I went in for exploratory surgery. They found exactly what I had researched and thought I had: abdominal adhesions. Adhesions are bands of scar tissue that result from trauma and infection (my appendectomy), and can basically bind with nerve endings and “glue” organs together causing tremendous pain. In my case, the adhesions were cementing my colon to my abdominal wall. The doctors who had told me I was nuts and couldn’t possibly have adhesions were now silent.

To make a very long story short, I went through two surgeries to remove the adhesions… my last being a little over a year ago in which they placed a barrier to keep them from coming back. It seems to have worked, so I praise God everyday for that!

My life changed a lot in the last three years. In the midst of so many pain-filled days, I gave up dating relationships, my job, my independence, and my life as I knew it. I couldn’t exercise or move a lot, because this brought on the pain and nausea more easily. Orange medication bottles took over my sink. I moved across country to live with my parents when the adhesions came back for a second time. My days were filled with trying to control the incessant nausea, and wondering if I would end up in the ER again that night. In the last years, I have made more visits to the ER than I can count, been hospitalized several times, and ended up getting a very serious infection after the last surgery. But with much prayer and the love of my fantastic family, today I can tell you that despite having some residual problems from the infection and feeling more fragile, I’m back to living life!

God changed me a lot during this time as well. I went through periods of doubt. I wondered if he had forgotten me. I lamented that all of my friends were getting married, having babies, getting jobs, and living normally. And in the countless days and nights where I was in uncontrollable pain, I whispered to him to help me get through it. But even with those periods of darkness, I can now look back and see that he was changing me into the person he needed me to be for the next stage of life. And that he had also protected me from greater harm.

After wanting to do so for three years, I was finally able to apply and was accepted to my top Physician Assistant school choice, and I start in a couple of months! I hope to do a residency in Emergency Medicine and go on to be the best emergency/trauma PA that I can! I have an interesting perspective from being a patient. I have gained empathy and understanding, and I am so excited for this next phase of life. Thank you for listening, and if any of you have questions about adhesions, please visit www.adhesions.org. I hope to someday finish my story and write a book so that other people can learn about the life-changing problems caused by this. Here’s to life, and finally being able to live it!

Kerri (buttercupsandbluescrubs.blogspot.com)

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PS: If YOU would like to share your story that would inspire, move and help other women, shoot me an email at myblog.tatiana@gmail.com. I would love to have you.

Divorce

2012-02-03T01:00:00.001-06:00

Kind of an ironic topic. Talking about divorce in the month of love. But it's something that has been hunting me more recently. Everywhere I turn, TV, blog friends, family members, people everywhere are leaving their "for better or worse, till death do us part" promises to vanish in the wind. At the very least it's heart breaking.

Even though we may not realize it on our wedding day, more often than not, we want our wedding vows to be 'for better or worse' closely followed by '...as long as the odds are in my advantage.' We're a selfish bunch of creatures. And that my friends, is one of the main reasons marriages fail.

Because everything is peachy until it's not.

The mistake that we most often make in our marriages is that our commitment is to ourselves and not to God or our spouses. When you see your marriage as a sacred bond between you and your spouse, and you make a true and selfless commitment to serve one another, that's the time you achieve a real 'marital bliss.' Once you lose sight of your partner's needs and start concentrating on your own self-fulfillment, that's the starting point of a marriage falling apart.

Am I saying that I have the answers to a happy and healthy marriage? No. Am I saying I have achieved the true 'marital bliss.' Not at all. We've been married for 4 and a half years. On the anniversary of our first year, as our feet were tickled by the sand of a warm Italian beach, I wanted a divorce. I was very convinced of it too. That's something I have never shared before over here. It was a totally selfish decision on my part, even though in my mind at the time it was very well based. Thank God that decision lasted less than 24 hours.

Fast-forward four years. Are we happy? Yes. Do we struggle like most people? Yes. Can I think of a better husband or daddy for my little girl? No. But it's because both our relationship and my understanding of what marriage is all about has come to new heights. I have come to know that I won't feel all hot and sweaty for him every single day of my life. That somedays I'll have to actually make the choice to love him despite his actions. Thankfully those days are very few. And I know that he feels the same way about me, because regardless of all appearances, I'm not always a peach to live with.

I can't say divorce is never the answer since I've seen and been part of the severe damage violence and abuse, be it physical or emotional, can cause. In that case, I would encourage anyone to get out. Not before serving him a hot pot of grits of course (where my "Madea's family reunion?" girls be at?). But today I'm not talking about that kind of an 'emergency exit', because let's face it, most divorces are not that extreme. Mostly when people look for a way out is because 'they have fallen out of love,' 'irreconcilable differences,' or that one's needs are not being met. Is it annoying, hard, and hurtful to live with someone who you have placed in the above mentioned categories? Most likely. But this comes full circle to the fact that marriage is not an everyday vacation. He's not going to be Prince Charming everyday of his life, and you're not a 24/7 hired Cinderella.

Marriage is more than just that eros, toe curling, headboard banging, fogging your car's windows (you get the point) kinda love. Marriage is work and commitment. Marriage is a two way street. Marriage is the choice to be by your spouse's side through thick and thin, thought the gates of hell and high waters, just like you promised to do that one day when you took your sweetheart's hand and swore in front of God and your family to never leave his or her side until the last breath leaves their body.

However, for that to happen you can't just rely on the eros type of love. You also need the philia love which makes you his best friend, and especially the agape love, which is the selfless kind, the glue to your marriage. A successful marriage understands and knows how to balance all three of those love languages.

If you're a newlywed, someone who's been married for years, or someone who hasn't started that journey yet, this message applies to you all. Here are my two cents of advice. If you're single and haven't made this important decision, make sure that the one you chose is someone who you don't only see yourself spending the rest of your life with, but someone who from the very beginning is committed to God and the sanctity of marriage. Someone who never sees divorce as an option. If you're already married, regardless if you're struggling or not in your relationship, take the time and get to know your spouse because our needs and wants change everyday. Love deeply and selflessly. Forgive much. Put his or her needs before your own, and always place God at the center of your marriage. But most importantly never forget or stop fighting for the words in Mark 10.

"Therefore what God has joined together, men must never separate." Mark 10:9

Disclaimer: The message of this post is in no way meant to judge or look down upon those who are struggling in their marriage or going through a divorce. I also realize not everyone will agree with the content of this post, however those are my personal thoughts and feelings, and I only ask that you be respectful if you chose to disagree.

Life's about the little things...and tutus

2012-02-01T01:00:00.002-06:00

Today I'm enjoying the little things...

Like time spent with a blue-eyed baby girl in a pink tutu skirt...

And I thank God everyday that he has chosen me to be the woman she calls her momma.

"Enjoy the little things, for one day you may look back and realize they were the big things."

~ Robert Brault

Linking up with Jenni from the blog, Live and Love out loud, and Seven Clown Circus.

The perfect weekend. Only Not.

2012-01-30T09:53:00.002-06:00

You know how you plan for an entire week a trip with the family that is supposed to be the perfect memory....

The kind that we'll all look back at and remember, and talk about for years to come about how fun and perfect it was?

And then you know how when you plan it that way it never happen?

Yeah that.

This Sunday we went into the mountains, and I had everything planed out perfectly:

Giada would wakeup, we would spend two hrs getting ready, then it would be her nap time, so we would leave and she'll be able to sleep in the car for two hours as we drive to our location, she would wake up and have a grand time with us as we enjoy the small town life.

Ummm.... not so much.

Homegirl here apparently didn't get the memo to my perfectly planned memory making/ weekend getaway.

In fact, she wanted nothing to do with it.

She completely refused to nap in the car, and would much rather scream and hold on to me begging to be taken out of the car seat.

Thank God for the creators of ipad and 'Olivia' who I'm convinced have saved me from (a) rehab and (b) a straight jacket.

On the other hand, after 4hrs of 'Olivia' I feel like (a) I can never watch another one of those episodes in this lifetime, and (b) I never want to see another swine again.

Especially the talking, smart-mouthy ones.

By the time we got to our destination, we were all starving, Giada was a tired, puffy eyed mess in mood for no fun, and my head felt like it has suffered a hammer induced concussion.

Basically the complete opposite of my fairytale, pixy-dust, Cinderella throw-up, kinda memory making day.

My girl than proceeded to be a cranky fest until about 5pm when she lost her battle in about 30 seconds once she was placed in the wagon.

The good part of that day?

We got to see more than 2inches of snow for the first time this winter.

It really was gorgeous out there.

Also? We did make some memories.

Just not the kind we planned on...

But the kind that we'll laugh about... later on. Once my headache leaves me.

Moral of the story?

The best memories are the spontaneous, unplanned ones.

Another moral of the story?

Never in your life plan your perfect weekend around a toddler's schedule.

She will laugh in your face and you will be known as the village's biggest fool

The village being your family.

The end.

Friday Faves

2012-01-27T01:00:00.001-06:00

There were only so many days I could survive without a camera, so I nicely borrowed Brandon's for the time being, without any intention of ever returning it. Oh, and don't tell him I said so and we'll still be friends. Mmkei? That being said, I have a LOT of learning to do. But I wanna! I really, REALLY wanna!

Pretty fabric makes me happy. If only the fabric felt the same way about me. But I know there's at least a dozen cotton fields that are cringing and crying any time I come near a spool of this perfectly patterned piece of beauty. "Learn how to sew." One more item added to my long list of incompetencies.

Giada is at this age where she learns something new everyday, and it makes my poor little heart explode with joy when I watch her learn. This week she's made my life a whole lot easier by knowing how to ask for 'food' and 'water'. And you wanna hear the best part? She says it in Romanian! This girl is one smart cookie. Which of course makes me one proud momma right about now, y'all!

She's not much of a cuddler, this kid. She's through and through her daddy's daughter. Which means that whenever I can get some lovin' from her, I take it with open arms and an even more open heart. Then I take a mental picture, hope to God someone is around to take a real picture, and before I know it, my ten, no, five seconds are up, and just like that she's gone.

I love antique stores and malls. To me they bring in the true meaning of 'One man's crap, is another (wo)man's treasure.' My mom says I like stuff that her great-grandma had in her barn once upon a GreatDepression. Which only means that my great-great-grandma had an off the hook barn, and not at all that my taste is total whackness.

But there's just something so goosebumpy about holding with your own two hands a piece of the past. It's the only way to connect with it. The only way to understand a part of it, no matter how small. So say what you will, but to me? That's some cool stuff, yo.

I'm a strong believer in finding time for my cup of coffee, a good magazine, or a favorite show, even when my house is a total disaster. Actually, I could create a cult around it. I can see my momma's blood boiling right as she is done reading those last two sentences, too.

But you know what? I've came to the conclusion that no matter how hard I try, this house will never stay clean for more than 3hrs. Tops. Which means that the mess will be there tomorrow, but my sanity may not. Therefore you've got the cult.

My heart ventricles pump for these two. It's crazy how much joy they can bring into my life. They also bring crazy. But mostly joy.

Finally we'll get to see the mountains and some snow this weekend. Only for a few hours, but hey, I'll take what I can get.

I hope you all have a happy Friday, and a wonderful and cozy weekend wherever you are.

Linking up here today for a few Friday Faves.

Motherhood at it's worst

2012-01-24T01:00:00.001-06:00

I'm about to admit something right now...

And after that some of you may look at me differently.

I used to judge other mothers.

Gasp.

Go on, lift your jaw off the floor.

If I'm completely honest I still do from time to time, but let me tell you, my foot has been stuck too far in my mouth one times too many to keep thinking that way very often.

Also, I think that when we start out as new mothers we believe we can do it better than others.

We're a bit of know-it-alls when it comes to the way other people raise their kids.

"My kid would NEVER do that. My kid would NEVER act that way. I would NEVER let that slide."

And yes, sometimes I still say it. And I still believe it.

But at least now I am smart enough to realize that if I haven't been there, I can NEVER say NEVER.

This last week I was just proven how true this is too.

One of my pre-mommyhood pet-peeves was when a child was going all kinds of crazy in a restaurant or a store. The big tantrums at a checkout lane?

I wanted to go over there and shake those kids myself.

Not to mention the ugly "This-lady-really-does-not-have-her-$%^&-together" thoughts that were going through my mind during those moments.

And then I had a kid...

And then this week happened.

See, we were going to the world of Walmart the other day, which is a zoo in itself on a regular basis with no help from people like me.

But before we left, I asked my ever so loving husband to put Giada in the car-seat while I grabbed the rest of her stuff.

Immagine my surprise when I get to the store and pick her up, only to find that the child has no shoes on.

Let's just say the husband was lucky he was not around at that very moment in time.

I just knew nothing good could come from a squirrelly 13month old that would not be aloud to squirrel around to her heart's content.

I should've turned around right then and there...

But I didn't.

Fast forward 1hr, 1/2 a cart full of groceries, a very tired kid and many adventures later, and we have THE craziest kid on the block, who was very well determined to rip my arms right out of my shoulders if it meant getting the heck away from me.

I was at my wits ends by that point, and ready to throw in the towel when karma has finally caught up with my past thoughts and the unthinkable happened.

I gave her a stern "NO" for behaving that way, and without a moment of hesitation the girl slapped me with all her 13month old strength right across the face.

Oh, no she din't.

Only, she DID!

And what's worse, everyone around was just staring at us.

And you know it's gotta be bad when you're given judgmental looks from the people of Walmart, for goodness sakes.

Y'all, I was THAT mom. The one with the crazy kid.

Gulp.

Boy, was I eating all my past words right up at that moment in time.

You know what I've decide? It's easy to judge.

It's easy to stay there and misread a situation while you're in your own cozy world.

It's easy to point fingers and give looks while you don't know the entire story.

You see, most days my girl is a total sweetheart. She really is.

But she was tired, and crabby, and she is not the cuddly type at all.

A free spirit that one.

But if you only saw us during those few moments at the store, I'm sure you may have judged my motherly capabilities too.

Heck, I may have judged myself.

However, I've decided that it doesn't matter what others think.

Motherhood is unpredictable and crazy.

Sometimes it can be embarrassing, and sometimes it can even be maddening.

But it's those moments that remind me of my real purpose as a parent.

To love, to teach, to guide, to protect.

And that's what makes this whole motherhood thing beautiful.

Even at it's hardest.

A Few Things on a Friday

2012-01-20T01:00:00.000-06:00

My camera is in to see the doctor. Actually, it was sent in for a prognosis last week, and they've told me that Canon has to take a look at it since they can't figure it out. That's how sick my baby is. So for now I'm stuck with my iphone pics.

I was just telling people last mouth how amazing Giada is at staying out of my kitchen cabinets. And then I placed my 7 and 1/2 foot in my mouth. Mercy! Nothing in that kitchen is off limits for her. Taking spoons and forks out is one of her all times favorite past time activities. So is throwing everything in the trash.

It's safe to say I spend 25% of my day trash picking, and finding all kinds of goodies there. From plates, to baby bottles, to pens, to forks. It's a never ending battle I keep losing.

My kid hates being still for more than ten seconds at a time. Even when she eats she can't help herself.

My black hair and I are getting along much better a week later.

I've been improving my baking skills lately. Or at least trying to. I may have mentioned a time or ten that I'm not the greatest baker out there. But something about my kitchenaid and cute measuring spoons gives me the itch to bake.

There's something about Sunday mornings that makes me want to go out for breakfast with my little family. I would love to make a tradition out of it, but it would probably suck our bank account dry. So most Sundays? You can find us eating homemade pancakes, eggs and hash browns in our own home. But for this last one, the husband has agreed to go out to Cracker Barrel, and le'me tell you, he did not have to say it twice.

Speaking of the man... I'm really, really, really trying to make our date nights more of a priority around here. So this week, I've decided that the babysitter is getting booked three and a half weeks in advance. Which means that if all the stars and the moon get aligned juuuust right, we may have a shot at a nice romantic dinner out. Oh, but it's happening baby.

Here's to a great weekend!

Reminiscing on a snowy, winter day

2012-01-19T01:00:00.000-06:00

It has finally happened.

It snowed!

First time this year, too.

I could almost hear the mountains around us scream with excitement.

So I did the only logical thing there was to do:

Got Giada,

(Only after I dressed her as the abominable snowman),

And my little bro, and went out there to enjoy mother nature.

First snow always reminds me of the good times in my childhood.

All the neighborhood kids would bundle up, take their wood-made sleighs, some new, but most passed down from our parents, and run for the hills.

The longest, most steep one we could find.

We used to hang out together for hours.

Our faces were frozen from all the snow and crisp air.

But we never cared. We were happy. Like only kids can be.

Sometimes it would get really dark before the thought of going home crossed our minds.

And none of our parents or grandparents ever worried about us.

Those were the days, I tell you.

And then we would go home, and warm up our almost frostbitten little toes next to the wood stove, drinking hot mint tea with buttered toast and homemade fruit jam.

If we had power, we would watch a movie.

However, more often than not, the electricity was out at night during the winter months, so we would play cards, tell stories, and laugh by the fire or under the light of a well used oil lamp.

Yes, even though it seems like centuries ago, I have truly lived that life.

It was simple, but yet, so wonderful and always full of laughter.

I always wish my daughter would grow up knowing that feeling.

Of safety, of belonging, of pure, undeniable happiness.

I want her to find meaning in the little things...

Know how to find the real joy in life.

I want to make memories with her like the ones I had on those winter days.

The kind that really matter.

The kind that would build on her character long before she realizes it, just like it did with me.

The kind that last a lifetime.

Wordless Wednesday...kinda: Kids are like puppies

2012-01-18T01:00:00.002-06:00

Here are some words from the wise.

The wise being yours truly.

Kids are like puppies.

They follow you around everywhere, beg you for treats, poop on your carpet (don't judge! It only happened ONCE), eat nasty things from the trash...

AND?

Learn new tricks.

Here's the latest one for us.

Fetch.

(Never you mind the mess and my newly built entertainment center that has no doors... yet. Well it does, but they're not painted...yet. You get the point).

Next up, I'll teach her how to get me food and snacks while I'm on the couch watching tv.

Mommas, do yourselves a favor and do the same.

'Cause life is too short not to take advantage of your kids ;-)

Her Story: Rachel

2012-01-16T22:18:00.005-06:00

Hello there peeps.

I'm so happy to introduce you to Rachel today.

This lucky lady lives across the pond in Wales, UK, and I am beyond jealous of all the history and beauty she gets to see and breathe in on a daily basis.

But today she's here to share with you her story.

One that I'm sure we all can relate to either once in a while or on a daily basis;

In a small scale or big... you'll be able to see a part of yourself in her story.

Enjoy.

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Hi there! My name is Rachel. I'm 25, I'm married to a fantastic man called Josh and I live in Wales, UK. I'm a Christian, and amongst many things I love photography, cooking, blogging, entertaining and the countryside.

Ever since I saw that Tatiana was doing a series on different women's stories this post has been in my mind.

You see, I really struggle with anxiety.

I think it's probably quite a common problem amongst us women, but sometimes we live with it for so long that we forget what it's like to live without it. We act in certain ways not even realising that it's anxiety that is at the root of our behaviour.

'What will people think of me if I do this?', 'I bet she thinks I'm really ugly', 'How will I pay my bills if I don't have a job?', 'Will I be able to have children?' are all thoughts {amongst many others!} that swirl around in my mind and if unchecked can drag me down into a mire of stomach churning worry.

In fact one of the first things I said in my email to Tatiana about this post was 'my blog is really small and I am probably not a good enough writer to do a guest post but...'

Why do I do that? Who told me I'm not good enough?! No-one has ever told me that - in fact people compliment me on my blog so why do I constantly worry what people think of me?

This post isn't going to be a story of how I completely turned my life around and how I never feel anxious anymore. Instead it's simply a story of how God spoke to me about my anxious thoughts and how it profoundly changed my attitudes and habits.

I'll start at the beginning and try to make it short!

Up until a few months ago I worked in a church office. We often had homeless people seeking shelter in the church and last year we had one man who became quite a regular. He had long black hair, a straggly beard and dressed in ragged clothes. He obviously had a mental illness and although he would never admit it I think that's why he was out on the streets. He formed a bit of an attachment to me and often used to stand just staring at me for minutes at a time. We tried to be as welcoming and loving as possible but to be honest sometimes he was just plain creepy.

I started having nightmares about him, and even though he'd never been threatening or aggressive I really started worrying about what he might do to me.

It was also around that time that I began to acknowledge that anxiety was a problem for me. I realised that at any given time in the day I would physically feel anxious or nervous. I couldn't even put my finger on why. It was as if my mind knew there was nothing to be anxious about but my body felt tense and stressed. I started praying about this with my mentor at church, that God would change my attitudes and help me to trust him more.

One night, a few weeks later I woke up with a start. In my dream I had turned around and the homeless man had been staring at me and I knew he was there with bad intent. I lay in bed half asleep and started thinking about all the bad things that could happen to me when I was in church on my own. It's surprising what you can convince yourself is possible at three o'clock in the morning!

Suddenly I jerked awake as if a bucket of water had been thrown in my face and I heard God say clearly to me

"Why do you think you feel anxious all the time if this is what you fill your mind with?"

I knew God had spoken but I quickly fell back to sleep.

The next day I decided to listen to a sermon online and the next one on my list was on Philippians 4: 4-9. I didn't know what the passage was off the top of my head but the verses quickly jumped out at me.

“Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.”

I know both of these verses but I never actually realised that they were written together. It was God again reminding me of the point he had made to me the night before. When I feel anxious I need to be giving everything to God and trusting that he will sort out the situation for his good.
But more than that… I need to be constantly filling my mind with what is pure, lovely, praiseworthy, excellent and admirable, not dwelling on the things that scare and worry me. I think in theory I was trusting God, but I was still keeping a little bit of the stress on myself so I could prepare myself for worst-case scenarios. However, I can never truly have the peace of God if that’s what I’m filling my mind with.

It seems like such a simple thing but it was so profound to me. God had answered my prayer and actually spoke directly into my problem! He loves us that much that he cares about both the small and the big problems in our lives...and nothing is too huge for God to sort out.

If you struggle with anxiety or worry I would really encourage you to give your problems to God, but also to focus on the positives - not the negatives- in your life.

Make a list of the little things that bring you joy at the moment
Record when God speaks to you or answers a prayer
Read about God's faithfulness in the bible, in biographies or on the web and spend some time praising him for his goodness

I'm not a psychologist and I know many people have anxiety problems that are much worse than mine and need professional help. I'm simply sharing my story with you in the knowledge that focussing on the positives has often helped me curb my anxiety when my thoughts are getting negative and unhelpful.
God loves me and he loves you. He created us to be US. Sure, there are times when we need to work on our attitudes and actions but God promises to love us and care for us. He's got a good plan for YOU.

Start believing it!

There are so many things I wanted to say in this post but it's already way too long! If you want to talk to me or challenge me about anything I've written then please don't hesitate to contact me. I would love to hear from you! I blog over at www.vicarswifeintraining.blogspot.com.
Thanks so much to Tatiana for giving me the opportunity to share my story today!

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PS: If YOU would like to share your story that would inspire, move and help other women, shoot me an email at myblog.tatiana@gmail.com. I would love to have you.

I'm embracing the camera and going to the dark side

2012-01-12T00:57:00.003-06:00

Well, hello there world.

Notice anything different since the last time we've seen one another?

If your name is, cough, Myhusband, cough..

Your answer will be 'Umm...no.'

I swear the man wouldn't notice a change unless I would have a burrito glued to my forehead.

But if you're a woman, you may have already noticed that I have gone to the dark side...

Or maybe my hair did.

It was on my bucket list.

You know, get my hair did all black and look like some Spanish hottie.

I guess I got the 'getting my hair did all black' part out of the way.

One step at a time.

'Nway. Not sure how to feel about it.

Sans makeup, I look like I'm Casper the friendly ghost's twin.

Kinda the opposite of what I was going for since we all know he was no Spanish hottie.

That's a lot for a girl to take in...

But with a lil face touchup, I think it's something I can sport for a while.

And now lets get to the part where I embrace the camera, or really my computer, so I can get some craptacular pics of some great moments.

Out of the two, it's the moments that matter most.

Let me summarize it for you:

I love this kid.

The End.

Oh, and I'm so happy and proud to be her momma.

Now, The End.

Linking up with the other mommas who're embracing the camera here.

Her Story: Sara Cate

2012-01-10T01:00:00.000-06:00

Women never stop to astonish me.

Their determination, their courage, their beauty, their faith, the way they love and take care of their family.

The way they fight for their lives.

I've got to admit it.

We're pretty amazing.

When Sara Cate has told me that she would like to share her story I was stoked.

The entire time I was reading it, I was thinking of how much bravery it must have taken on her part to keep her head up high and never stop fighting this life changing battle.

Sara's story is inspiring, heartbreaking, raw, honest, and full of tenacity.

Thank you for your words of courage and wisdom, Sara Cate.

I'm so honored by your presence.

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Thank you, Tatiana, for sharing the HerStory series of strength, inspiration, and beauty. I am honored to be a part of this experience.

It was August of 2009. After baking three cakes for my aunt’s birthday, we sat down to play a game of 313, a card game, with 10 people. This makes the game last forever. I has just seen the movie Julie and Julia that day and was practicing Julia Child’s advice to "breast your cards." It was then that I noticed my right collar bone didn't feel like my left. I figured it was my posture, but I said something in passing at the enormous card table. After my comment, my boyfriend “Dashing” (my now husband and a physician) and his father (a physician) froze and asked to feel what I was talking about. I, oblivious to what was going on said, "yeah, feel my bone right here." I kept drinking my glass of wine and was determined to finish the game with a win. Dashing and his father somehow slipped out of the game, and 15 minutes later I found them in the laundry room having a secret pow-wow….odd, but whatever.

The next day started with an early morning phone call from my in-laws, calming telling me he had scheduled a noon appointment for me to see my primary care physician and that they would meet me there. I was no longer calm.

By that evening, I had been scanned, poked, and diagnosed with cancer – Stage 2 Hodgkin’s Lymphoma, cancer of the lymph nodes.

I sat in the doctor’s office with my in-laws, crying, hyperventilating, unable to even answer the basic of questions. My tongue was numb from my rapid breathing and my face drenched with salty tears. My mother-in-law was hugging me, rubbing my back, providing as much comfort as possible as my father-in-law physician spoke with my doctor in medical terms about the 10 cm and 7cm masses in my chest. My in-laws then had to make the call to their son, my Dashing (he was in medical school, and was on a long shift that day) and my father (who lives across the country). I cannot imagine what that call must have been like for either of them.

At the age of 25, this surprise diagnosis rocked all of our worlds. Within the week, I had surgery, saw specialists for oncology, radiation oncology, and fertility preservation, and immediately started treatment. Seven months of ABVD chemotherapy and extensive radiation treatments was accompanied by fragility, lethargy, and hair loss. With the support of my family and friends and through faith and many prayers, I was able to somehow move one foot in front of the other and press on with a positive outlook on life.

I finished my cancer treatments in the spring of 2010, and in the same year, I got married AND ran a 1/2 marathon to benefit my cancer center.

I am now in a semi-remission state from my Hodgkin's Lymphoma, but I stand to face the potential long term side-effects of the increased risk of secondary cancers including breast, skin, and thyroid cancer. This battle will never completely be over, so it's all about my outlook on life and how I live it. I have many emotional and physical scars from my experience. However, I pray the scars of the lessons I learned during this time in my life never fade.

These are the scars I have been blessed with and am proud to carry with me.

1. Life, looks, and health can change any and every moment that passes. Embrace your life with hope, strength, determination, and passion and you will come out of it a better person. Don’t let life just happen to you. Choose what and where you want to be, choose to do things you are passionate about.

2. It is ok to need help. It’s others way of showing how much they love and care for you. It is not a weakness, but a strength. To let others love you is to love yourself.

3. There is kindness in humanity. Make sure you are a part of it every day. Smile at someone, hold open a door, give a hug – it may be the best part of the other person’s day . You never know what someone else is going through, and I promise, it will brighten your day too.

4. Be thankful for all those around you. They are the ones who will stand next to you in the happy times and hold you up during the bad times. Put time and effort into the ones that matter. Your significant other should be there for you through thick and this as your best friend and strongest supporter. The happy times are easy to be happy in, but it is the challenging times that can strengthen the relationship more than you ever would imagine. Be sure they know how much they mean to you every day.

Sincerely,

Sara Cate

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PS: If YOU would like to share your story that would inspire, move and help other women, shoot me an email at myblog.tatiana@gmail.com. I would love to have you.

My doable resolutions

2012-01-09T01:00:00.000-06:00

Knock, Knock...

Ummm.... Is this thing on?

Hello?.... Hello... Hello... Helloooo

Those last three were the echo by the way.

So go back and read it the right way.

Y'all still with me?

Well then...

"Happy New Year!"

...Nine days later.

So....I can't help but feel like I own an explanation for my absence.

I would blame it on the alcohol...

But since I don't drink, I'll blame it on the "Hunger Game" series.

Which I finished in less than one week.

T'was good.

Real? Or Not Real?

Real.

(Inside 'Hunger Game' joke)

And on the fact that I always need a vacation after a vacation.

If you don't understand that last sentence, then you're the weird one.

Did you know there's a lot of work to catch up on after the holidays?

'Cause there is! A LOT!

The important thing is that I'm here now.

To stay.

And to talk about resolutions.

And how I can't stick to them for more than a couple of weeks, if my life depended on it.

So what's the point of making them, right?

Right.

This is why I'm aiming low and going easy on my expectations, and see where that shall take me.

So this year...

I hope to be less clumsy.

And not do things such as walk into walls, doors, or fall into the bathtub fully dressed while I give my daughter a bath.

Find some snow in this globally warmed forsaken place and share some kisses...

Get my toes painted.

Oh, that's right.

Aiming too high again...

Relax and drink more.

Water that is.

Eat lots of delicious food.

Spend many sunny days with my most favorite gal...

And let my toes enjoy a sandy beach.

Don't forget to have fun in between the crazy moments.

And...

Make sure my family knows how much I love them.

Oh. And last but not least.

Let God's love shine in this 'ol heart of mine.

Pretty doable list even for a non-resolutionist like me, wouldn't you say?

Here goes nothing.

Linking up with Carissa to Miscellany Monday

Christmas at our home

2011-12-29T01:03:00.003-06:00

The rumors are all true...

I've been gone for about 1.5 weeks.

Give or take a day...

Blogland, Twitter, and Facebook are all crying in remembrance of me.

Ok, so maybe I'm exaggerating a tiny bit.

BUT....

Even though you've been missed...

This break was much, much needed my friends.

It was a time that I took aside to spend with my family...

And enjoy this Christmas season and all the craziness it involves (and can I say there has been a lot of craziness), to the maximum.

The only thing I regret is not having a camera to help me document it all.

Speaking of which...

Have you any idea how blood boiling it is to not own a functioning camera around this time of year?

I need a cold shower every time I think about it...

'Nway... Here are a few snapshots of our Christmas.

There was family, and food, and singing, and present opening...

.... And pure excitement and squeals of joy at the sight of multiple boxes of puffs....

'Is it a Christmas miracle?'

.....As well as good 'ol times, and many a laughters.

Dude... It was like

Living Life and Loving it!

I hope your Christmas was beyond fabulous!

Can't wait to catchup with you.

Happy last week of the year!

Her Story: Courtney

2011-12-20T00:38:00.003-06:00

I'm so happy to have Courtney here today.

This sweet girl resides at "From here to eternity", however, today she's gracing me with her presence, and I'm way excited to share 'Her Story'.

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I am so excited to be taking over Tatiana's blog today, although I'd rather read what she has to say. I love this girl, she cracks me up every time I read her blog :) I was so nervous when Tatiana asked me to guest post... I just want to get it right, you know? Because I have no doubt that this series is going to change lives. Tatiana is a genius!

Last year I went through one of the most horrible experiences of my life. Some of you will think this is no big deal, others may judge me and think I'm the most vain woman ever, and the rest of you probably won't care. I've been through ups and downs in my marriage, we've experienced the money stresses and being laid off from work, but this experience was the hardest for me because I lost faith in myself and everything I knew.
Last year my face broke out in some crazy serious acne because of hormone issues. (Birth control... I HATE that shiz.) This was the most physically (ouchie, acne hurts!) and emotionally painful experience I've ever had. My husband and I had just moved across the state and I was convinced that I wouldn't be able to make any friends because I looked so ugly. Random strangers would make "helpful" comments about my face, and I would get the urge to punch them in their face. (I'm really not a violent girl, ha!) I would sit in front of a mirror, stare at my face, and just cry and cry. One time my husband caught me doing that... and I was horrified. Horrified because I finally realized I had a problem. I loathed myself; I loathed myself because of some acne. How ridiculous, right? But it took me a couple months to snap out of it and change my mind set.
You see, I have so much to be thankful for. I am a daughter of God, who loves me so very much. And He was suffering right along with me. I have the best family and friends, and I was bringing them down with my negativity. I have the most loving husband a girl could ask for, and I broke his heart each day with my self loathing.
As my face started to heal I bounced right back to that happy, cheerful, out-going girl that I was before. But I realized that I failed horribly during my trial. I have been blessed with all the ingredients to create a happy, wonderful life.... and I forgot all of that when hard times came my way. I learned a hard lesson one year ago, but I think it will make me a better person from here on out.

Each day I am striving to be more faithful, a better daughter/sister, a loyal friend, and a loving wife. I would not be the person I am today if I didn't have to learn these lessons the hard way sometimes :)

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Love this girl!

And how open and sweet she is.

I'm so glad you've 'rediscovered' yourself Courtney, because you're beautiful inside and out!

I think self image is something every single one of us women have dealt with at one point or another.

Somedays, it's hard to look at our interior when we don't feel comfortable in our own skin.

So thank you so much for the great 'loving yourself the way you are' reminder sweet friend.

Today I choose to say...

" I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well." Psalms 139:14.

Ladies, I hope today, you know that to be true as well...

PS: If YOU would like to share your story, shoot me an email at myblog.tatiana@gmail.com. I would love to have you.

Miscellaneous Monday

2011-12-19T09:47:00.004-06:00

Christmas time has been an exhausting time this year. I wish this month would last longer so I can actually truly enjoy the season, instead of running around like a chicken with her head cut off.

Have I mentioned how much I sill love this time of year? A LOT! And all the decor that comes with it. And the food! And when you combine it, it equals perfection. My dinning room table is all set and ready for Christmas day.

My camera has taken a turn for the worse a couple of months ago, and I am beyond sad. It may have something to do with the fact that both Giada and I have dropped it a few (dozen?) times. I have to take 25 different shots of the same object, in order to get one that does not have a rainbow running across it. Not being able to take pictures is kind of, well, depressing.

Dear Santa, fix my camera. Please.

Speaking of Santa, people have been asking how we'll address this subject with Giada. I think we're not addressing it either way. At this point in time I don't tell her about Santa, but I also don't avoid it. For example, I don't encourage her to go sit in his lap, bc to me that's just creepy, but if we see him around the mall and he's saying 'hi' I do tell her "Say hi to Santa." I love the creativity and imagination that kids get to experience, I am just not crazy about lying to her. When I was growing up, my family was telling me about Santa, but I remember being 3yrs old and knowing he was not real bc I kept on seeing his beard coming off. I kind of hope my kids will be smart enough to put two and two together as well.

I got a KitchenAid mixer for my birthday from one set of my in-laws, and I feel like I'm developing an inappropriate relationship with this machine. I am in LOVE with it. It may even cure my very bad case of the 'worst-baker-in-the-whole-wide-world syndrome.' Ok, so maybe it's not a miracle worker, but I'm still in love with it.

We're almost approaching the eve of Christmas, and I'm still not even half way done buying presents. This family is hard to shop for yo! Oy.

And of course I couldn't leave without a picture of my favorite child. This kid turns into a total zombie when 'Olivia' the pig comes on. It's about the only show she'll watch too. Let me tell you, if I never had to see another swine in my life, it wouldn't be too soon. At the same time, I'm happy that there is something that can keep her distracted long enough so I can run and pee in peace.

And that concluded my randomness.

Happy case of the Mondays!

Linking up with Carissa

Bye-bye Boobies

2011-12-15T22:59:00.005-06:00

"Say Bye-Bye Boobies"

Those are the words that came out of my mouth right after Giada had her 'last meal' bright and early on the morning of her birthday, exactly one week ago today.

You may be saying...

"Umm.... no one needs to know about your boob business Tatiana."

And you would be right. No one needs to know.

I'm just very willing to share.

So if you're not interested, turn around now.

Fair warning, yeah?

But I gotta document it.

For more than one reason.

You see, when we started our breastfeeding journey, the pain I experienced put my agonizing labor pains to shame.

Lack of milk in the first few days post labor, a baby who was very unwilling to breastfeed, sore-bleeding nipples, and excruciating pain from multiple plugged ducts, made this very 'natural' process way less than enjoyable for me.

There were many a days when I was wishing I would give birth to triplets rather than do this breastfeeding gig another minute.

It took us a couple of months to get a good hold of it and for me not to cry every time Giada came near my twin friends.

I never thought I was going to last a month, let alone a whole entire year to the day.

Therefore, my humble opinion tells me, such a huge accomplishment has to be both documented as well as celebrated.

Because I did it!

I survived a whole year of breastfeeding.

Even though over the last couples of months my boobs were so empty, they were there more for 'decor' rather than feeding purposes.

I still did it! And dang it, I'm proud of myself. And of my girl. And of my hard working boobies.

Yay boobies!

(Lets see how many times I can say boobies in one post.)

And now I miss it dearly.

Apart from pushing her out of my hoo-ha, this was the thing that only I could have provided for her.

The bond we've created during those special times is unbelievable.

So, yes, I'm a bit over emotional about this whole thing.

I may have even shed a tear or two.

And Giada? Well she could care less either way.

I don't know if I should be hurt or proud of how easy she moved on.

This was a huge milestone that we have completed, and it only reminds me even more that my baby is a kid nowadays.

A kid who is walking like a rockstar helping herself to her bottle.

With some wobbling and some falling thrown in...

{Ok, so she may be a drunk rockstar, but holy flying batman, she is getting fast.}

So you new mommas out there who wish to breastfeed, but feel like you would much rather walk barefooted on hot coal right through the gates of hell...

I'm here to tell ya to hang in there.

Give this breastfeeding thing a chance before throwing in the towel.

It will be well worth your time in the end.

And those bonds you'll create with your baby?

They'll last a life time.

Giada's 1st Birthday Party: Round Two

2011-12-13T01:00:00.000-06:00

In case you missed the first part of Giada's Winter Wonderland party, go here.

We had to do the winter photo-booth fiasco.

It was an absolute must!

Our guests had fun with it too. I promise.

Rudolf here didn't get the memo that she was not supposed to chew on her nose...

Yer... on the stick holding her nose.

And then the cake came.

Do you see what she's doing here friends?

She is blowing her candle!

Yes, we've been practicing for at least a good month now.

We're very persevering people, you know.

And she did it! Twice. With no results... But still, I'm beyond proud of her!

Mommy helped her out.

I thought it was only appropriate since it was actually my birthday.

Sure, I was missing a few candles, but who's counting?

She's testing her waters....

Once she found out it was safe, she got in it all the way!

'Did someone say cake?'

Final results are up...

We stopped her while she was still recognizable.

Thanks for sharing in our fun!

Giada's 1st Birthday Party: Round One

2011-12-12T01:00:00.002-06:00

The day I've been waiting for this entire year has come and gone.

And it was B-UTIFUL.

This last Sunday, on the very day of my birth, we celebrated Giada's first big birthday.

You see...

For an entire year I had a pink-lemonade theme in mind...

And then, just so happens that about a month ago I completely changed my mind...

And embraced the fact that my daughter was born in December.

So I went with a Hot Chocolate/ Winter Wonderland theme.

I've been working for a couple of weeks on this.

But it was all worth it in the end.

And guess what?

I don't even care that she won't remember any of it.

I'll remember it. And she had a great time now.

And I know she'll look at pictures of it later and love it.

I won't lie though. There was a lot of work involved.

Good news? All of it was easy. Just very time consuming.

But that's the only way this party could come to life when you're on a budget.

I made most things, from all the blackboard signs, the happy birthday banner, the 200 picture banner, the paper pompoms and most of the food.

Also, I have to thank God for a few elves who came to my rescue...

They are known as pinterest, my friend Kristine who helped me cook, my handy husband, and my SIL who rocks at desert decorating.

The Hot Coco bar included four different types of coco, marshmallows, Hazelnut and Mint pirouettes that were dipped in white chocolate and crushed candy cane.

Another issue with having a baby in the winter time?

All your guests are stuck inside.

We had twenty something people in our house, and nowhere near enough 'table space' for all of them.

So going with mini appetizers sounded like a great idea.

And it was.

Especially for making kids friendly foods.

Oh, and le'me tell you?

A lot less messy as far as cleaning foods out of your carpet category goes.

Giada was happy as can be with all the foods and sweets around her.

Not to mention the attention from all the older kids.

Come back for round two of her party.

You just have to see this gorgeous face covered in cake.

Have a great Monday!

Linking up with According to Nina, Life made Lovely,

PS: Please don't use any of the pictures without my permission yo. It's highly frowned upon.

Letter to my One Year Old

2011-12-09T01:11:00.003-06:00

My sweetest Giada Joliet,

Today you are one.

As I’m writing this letter, my mind can’t help but take me back in time exactly one year ago today. It was the night before your big arrival, and I was watching Paula Dean bake Christmas cookies, thinking that the next day would be the biggest day of my life. And it was. That day and every day since. You have made my whole life ‘the biggest day of my life.’

The next morning, you arrived in this world with a head full of hair, a beautiful round face… and struggling to breathe from the viral pneumonia that I had passed on to you a couple of weeks prior to your arrival. I got to see you for 10 short seconds before they scooped you up and took you to NICU. Hours passed before I was even able to really see or hold you. The situation you came in was nowhere near perfect. But you were. And I knew it from the moment I laid eyes on you.

You were mine. And my heart has never in it’s life felt such joy. Ever.

You my baby, made me a mommy.

And that’s by far, the biggest gift God has entrusted me with.

Since that day, we’ve shared many hugs. And kisses. And lessons.

We’ve taught you about Jesus, and words, and music, and play, and Olivia the pig, and what love and happy means, and about important things such as where you can find your stinky diaper (as you eagerly lift your skirt to show us).

In return, you have taught us how to be stronger, more patient, laugh more than our stomach muscles can take, survive on minimal sleep, love deeper than we ever thought possible and pray harder than our knees can feel. You’ve opened our eyes to what real beauty and real happiness means. And our hearts are bursting because you’re in our lives.

We have ecstatically celebrated every single one of your milestones. Big or small, our chest could just burst with joy and pride over you. We are now, and will always be your biggest fans; your strongest supporters. The ones you can count on during your shiniest days; the ones you can lean on when life and people will let you down.

Your daddy and I will keep on teaching you about boundaries: that Jesus’ love has none, that you need to have some, and that sometimes you’ll need to cross them for a worthy cause, because sweet girl, you won’t make a difference until you step on some toes. And lets face it. If you’re anything like your mother, you’ll be stepping on plenty of toes. Especially your daddy’s.

Yes, we’ll always guide you. However, the rest is in God’s hands. So my prayer is that he blesses you with the wisdom to make the right choices; the courage to standup for what you believe; with love that will pour out on everyone you meet; with happiness that overwhelms your soul, with faith that moves mountains.

Because if anyone deserves it, it's you, my sweet baby.

And don’t you ever forget.

We love you to the moon and back (and forth times infinity).

Happy First Birthday Giada!

Forever yours,

Mommy and Daddy.

PS: We'll be busy celebrating Giada's birthday as well as mine this weekend, and I can't wait to share some pictures with you. Say a prayer that I don't lose my mind by Sunday, will you? I thank you all in advance!

Have a happy weekend!

Her Story: Hanna

2011-12-06T01:00:00.002-06:00

You guys.

I'm beyond excited to have Hanna here for today's "Her Story".

This gorgeous momma of two can compete with Martha's baking skill, and probably win.

But that's not why she's here.

Today she's here to inspire.

And le'me tell you...

Her story inspires.

Regardless if you're a mom or just a regular woman, you will relate with at least some part of this story.

Hanna's story and determination blows my mind away...

I have a strong feeling you'll feel the same way.

Meet Hanna

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Is there life after having 2 babies and gaining 100 pounds????

ABSOLUTELY!!!

I'm living proof!

Hi there, My name is Hanna and I am so honored to be here guest blogging today. You can find me anytime over on my blog {bouffe e bambini} where I post lots of fun recipes, some cute pictures of my babes, and some fun fashion stuff.

This is me!

It's so nice to meet you. Today I am going to share my weight loss journey with you.

I hope I can help inspire some of you who have had a baby or two and found yourself stuck in a rut, struggling with weight and just not feeling like your self anymore. I have been there my friends. I have lost 105 pounds and am so excited to share my story and inspiration with you.

Here I am with my little loves. My son little Milton is 2 and Ginger is 9 months. I'm a busy lady!

Meet my husband, big Milton!!!

So this is how my story begins.......

First, we were a happy couple!!!!

Then we fell in love and got married.

Then I got pregnant........

Gained 100 + pounds........

And had a beautiful baby boy.

My life was forever changed in more ways than one.

First of all let me say that I honestly feel like my life had truly just begun with the birth of my children. I have love for them like I never knew existed. I often feel like my heart might burst with joy when look at their shining little faces. You can read more about me and my transition into motherhood {here}

This is the condition I was left in after my first born. Then I got preganant again 4 month later. WOW! I was pregnant for 2 years straight.

The wonderful news was I was a mom and had given birth to a healthy baby boy and girl. The not so wonderful news was that I had become obese! Yes, obese. Not exactly how I wanted to describe myeself but the truth.

Honestly, when I was pregnant I thought I was so big because of the baby not realizing that when the baby came out I was going to be just as big. I was completely shocked at my size. When I looked in the mirror I had no idea what I was even looking at. I felt like I was trapped in someones else's body; a very uncomfortable body.

My thighs rubbed together and I would develop a rash if I didn't have pants between my legs at all times.

I had little bumps in my armpits where I would shave because they would rub against my upper arm and chafe.
I couldn't cross my legs
My back ached; I could barley lift my new born baby without throwing my back out

I was always sweaty, especially under my breasts

I felt disgusting; I have never been so uncomfortable in my life.
I was embarrassed. I would run into an old friend and they would kind of look at me like "oh that poor girl used to be so cute but now she had kids and look at her" I HATED THAT!!
I had stretch marks ALL over my abdomen, thighs, upper arms and even down to the back of my shins because I had gotten so big.
Nothing fit. I wore pajamas and plus size maternity clothes for a VERY LONG TIME!
I stopped caring totally about my appearance; Never making an effort to look nice.

My wedding rings didn't fit and I had gained so much weight some of my shoes wouldn't even fit.

Basically, I just felt horrible inside and out. I felt very unattractive. I would hardly let my husband touch me becasue I felt so ashamed of my body. I stopped wearing make up all together. I wore my hair pulled back every single day and always was in old ratty PJ's. It was so depressing. I was really unhappy.

It wasn't long before I knew I had to loose the weight and not just a few pounds, I knew I needed to loose A LOT, and so my journey began.........

I was motivated and darn right DETERMINED to loose this weight. I wanted to be healthy and happy for me, my husband and my kids, It wasn't just about me. I have heard over and over again in my life that "you should just love who you are no matter what size". I love that and I think it's a great sentiment but the honest truth is for me I couldn't love myself in that condition. What's there to love about not feeling good? When I am thinner, I feel healthy, sexy, accomplished and it radiates to all areas of my life.

Here are a couple before and after pictures that I hope you find inspiring.

Starting out is the hardest part of the whole journey. Lossing 100+ pounds is a very daunting task to say the least but I am just an average, everyday woman and I did it. That means you can too!

I did it completely on my own. I never joined Jenny Craig or weighth watchers. I didn't take diet pills, have surgery or starve myself. I just had a vision of who I wanted to be and I made that vision come to life, Again, you find my detailed plan {HERE}.

I think it is important to think about it long and hard before committing to something like this becasue it is a long journey but it is VERY attainable. If you have a little will power and a little dicipline you can make it happen. It's important to set a reasonable, realistic goal and you can read more about that in my {GUIDE}

I wanted to talk a little bit about common pit falls. Many women who desperately want to loose weight will come up with a list of reasons why they don't think they can acheive thier goals so I just wanted to let you know that there is always a way. Here is how I dealt with many typical obsicles while trying to loose weight.

Common Obsticles:

NO CHILDCARE. I am a full time mom. I have no childcare whatsoever. I made time to exercise anyway. I bought a double stroller and a baby carrier and I walked everyday. You don't need to go to a gym to loose weight. I did while taking care of 2 babies under the age of 2.

FULL TIME WORK. I also work full time as a nurse, 12 hour night shifts to top it off. You must make time to prepare food for yourself to bring with you to work so youtr not tempted to eat the junk in the cafeteria.

A SPOUSE WHO WON'T FOLLOW THE SAME MEAL PLAN AS YOU. My husband eats pretty much everything I don't eat. He eats sweets, breads, potatoes, pastas. He eats whatever he wants. So no big deal. Prepare meals that can be shared by both like prepare chicken, mashed potatoes and broccoli. You eat the chicken and broccoli and let him eat everything else. You'll be surprised how easy it is to make it work.

NO TIME. I worked full time and was a full time mom during my entire weight loss plan. My best advice is to be prepared. ALWAYS, keep snack friendly food around the house and carry it with you wherever you go, fruit, almonds, cottage cheese are great examples. This way you won't be tempted to binge on whatever food is lying around the house.

I have dieted many times in the past and this is the first time in my life I have lost this amount of weight in the healthiest way I know how. I never felt hungry or deprived.

My best advice is BE KIND. BE GENTLE. FORGIVE YOURSELF and then jump right back on that wagon and try agin. Concictency was my greatest tool.

A few more tips:

Be grateful everyday

Just let it go

Remind yourself how amazing you are, this is hard work

Talk about it, accept praise from others, if you work hard, you deserve praise. It feels so good

I just have to say that I feel better now after having 2 babies than I have ever felt in my life. Not only am I in love with being a mother but now I can truly enjoy my kids and feel great about myslelf. What a great example for my kids as well. They see their mom as healthy, happy and radiant. That is a wonderful thing my friends.

I truly hope that I have helped to inspire at least one of you to give it a try. It is possible. It is doable even with kids and work and every other crazy thing life throws at you. I am passionate about this and I would truly be happy to answer any questions or just chat about how difficuilt weight loss can be. Please feel free to email me anytime at "www.bouffeebambini@hotmail.com"

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Is she honestly not amazing for going through this journey and kicking some major booty? Love her determination and strong will. Go on. Get to know her. You know you want to.
PS: If YOU would like to share your story, shoot me an email at myblog.tatiana@gmail.com. I would love to have you.

A few things on a Friday

2011-12-02T01:00:00.000-06:00

This month is going to be busy. As in 'I don't know if I'll find time to eat, sleep, pee, or even breathe' kind of busy. Let's see. I've got Giada's birthday to finish up next week, my parents and some of our friends are coming over the week after that, Christmas and all the shopping, work, and the worst of it all? I've got work homework out the butt that has to be done by the end of december. I'm at lesson two. There are 8more to go. Each lesson takes about 5hrs. You do the math.

You know that toy that your kid takes along everywhere with her? The one that ends up cleaning all the dust bunnies from being dragged on your floors and furniture so much? Well, my kid has two. This cat is one of them. Here they just be chillin' under the tree- lights, eating puffs and doing yoga.

Speaking of Giada and her birthday. This party has been on my mind every moment I'm awake, and sometimes even when I'm not. I just cross my fingers, and pray to the high heavens that it turns out the way it's playing in my head, and that I don't lose my mind along the way.

Brandon and I go on dates as often as hermits. Last month however, we've been better at finding a babysitter so we can go and have some time alone. Just him and I. It's been nice. And refreshing. And much, much, needed. You busy mommas out there, should try it once in a while. It's so good for the soul.

My daughter loves decapitating things. Let it be known that she did NOT get that gene from me. It must be from her father. Or a distal paternal relative. Tigers, hippos, elephants. Nothing can stay in the way of her fast fat finger. The poor bastards never saw it coming.

I strongly believe coffee was sent over by God for cold mornings, busy bodies, and mothers who are running around with their heads barely hanging on, doing their best to keep their crap together and only succeeding 1/2 of the time.

Stay warm and have a happy weekend loves!

It's that crafty time of the year

2011-12-01T01:00:00.000-06:00

Well hello there December.

I can't believe you're here. Again.

Regardless, I welcome you with open arms. Again!

This is without a doubt my most favorite time of the year.

There's no question about it....

I go nuts.

Not only is it my birthday in 10 short days...

But now I have a little girl who will be celebrating her big day just TWO days before me.

Not to mention, the air is sprayed with some kind of pheromones, slash, magic fairy dust that makes everyone all lovie-dovie...

In case you were wondering, that's why you see couples playing tonsil hokey overtime everywhere you look around this time of year.

If I didn't like all this mushy stuff so much, I would probably puke.

Anyway...

My point is...

Christmas time is the best time!

I get all kinds of crafty, excitement crazy, and hipped up on coffee to make me keep up with it all.

Funny thing is, I probably wouldn't have it any other way.

So let's talk crafts and decor now, shall we?

Every year, the day after Thanksgiving this 12foot beast of a tree goes up.

It takes about 6hours to get it all assembled...

But isn't he gorgeous!

Meet Louis.

I love him.

He's all blinged out and prettified, lighting up our life and taking over about half of my living room.

Our stockings are also hung with care, with an extra one tucked neatly in a box, anxiously awaiting the arrival of a new family member so he could join in the fun.

Those of you who are thinking I'm announcing something or other, don't.

Because that extra stocking may be collecting some dust for a while before that happens.

Not only have I been decorating, I've been a crafting machine the last few weeks, too.

See them paper trees up there? Yep. That was me.

Oh, and this ornament/yarn wreath down here that has taken a 1/3 of the skin off my fingers that Jesus has personally given me the day I was born?

Yep. That was me too.

And for those of you who are interested in this pretty thing?

I was planning on doing a wreath with yarn ornaments ONLY.

BUT I very soon realized that I would reach menopause sooner than finishing that project.

So I just did a couple of yarn ones.

Also, usually you would use the styrofoam balls to wrap the yarn around.

However, those bad boys are expensive (as in $6 for a pack of 6), so I just used cheap ornament for it instead.

It does the job and are just as pretty.

Bam!

Bite on that styrofoam.

On that note, I hope all of you are having a wonderful first day of December.

Oh, and get your craft on!

Her Story:Emily

2011-11-29T01:00:00.002-06:00

The blogging world has been pretty much awesome to me.

I've met so many people.

Amazing people. People who have become my real life friends.

Em is one of them.

I've shared the good, bad, and ugly with this chick.

And I love that she can laugh with me, be frustrated with me, and have real conversations with me.

Today she'll be sharing a little part of what has helped her grow as a woman.

Go on. Get to know her.

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Hi soon to be friends!! {too presumptuous?} I’m the cool, the awesome, the neato bonito Emily at Amazing Grapes. {too confident?} Its like calling an ass a donkey. Its no less an ass when calling it a donkey but it just sounds better.

yep, there I am

I’ve had so many defining moments in my life that have molded me into the woman I am now. Like being called every name in the book including “Olive Oil” while working 6 years in 3 separate men’s prisons. Which, I get it..you’re in prison..you use big mean cuss words. But Olive Oil?! Them be fightin’ words! And don’t even think about making the Popeye sound. It’ll be on like donkey kong!

There’s also the time I played a ton of sports. …in high school and college that gives me my athletic side. But seriously! I’m 30 years old. At some point I have to stop reliving the glory days like the uncle in Napoleon Dynamite and tell myself, ‘self, you haven’t played a sport in 10 years.’

Of course I can’t go without mentioning my relationship. A fine relationship, if I do say so myself. And I do…say so, that is. 4 years now and I can’t even begin to tell you how much I’ve learned and grown (through trials and errors). From virtual day one, it’s been long distance. That takes a lot of trust and communication, by the way. Communication that I didn’t have until 2 years into the relationship. But we’re great and fantastic and I just love that man something fierce.

But if I pinpointed what has really defined me as the independent “confident” woman I am today, its living alone. Weird, right? I officially moved out at 21. On my own, in a new city, new state, new roommate, who by all accounts could have been a crazy person. Thank the Lord she wasn't, completely.

Since then, I’ve moved countless times and had countless roommates over the years, but being able to establish my own home, my own way and learn responsibility, independence and the ability to take care of myself has done wonders for me. And I encourage every single woman to do the same at least for a year before getting married. It establishes you in a way you can’t get anywhere else. You get to know yourself more when you live alone. There’s no one to depend on but you! It might be scary and intimidating to think about having your own place with all the bills and no one to kill the spiders or roaches or answer your door when its dark outside and you see the silhouette of a man standing there, but you’ll be amazed at the things you can do that you thought you couldn’t, when you live alone. I highly recommend it!

some of my many homes..you can see how my couches and tv’s have evolved over the years.

So, did you live alone before you married? Or are you living alone now? Have you noticed a change in yourself from living on your own?

Thankful times

2011-11-28T01:00:00.000-06:00

The whole entire week I had my fingers crossed that I wouldn't have to work on Thanksgiving.

By Wednesday night I was getting all kinds of anxious about the possibility of getting called off on Thursday.

And then the much awaited "You're on standby" phone call came the next morning, and my food celebration begun.

As soon as they called at 5:30am, I jumped out of bed and went to get groceries.

Well, I peed and brushed my teeth first, for those of you who want to be particular about it.

'Cause those two things are morning essentials, you know.

But still, I was out of the house before the early six am hours.

All for the sake of food.

I may need to have "Get in ma belly" tattooed on my ever growing hips.

But we'll cover that topic some other time.

So... the overall summery of the Thanksgiving 2011 story is that it was a pretty good one.

With lots of yummy food and only minimal drama.

And I gotta say, that the only good things that comes out of family not getting along is that you get to have Thanksgiving times two.

Which pretty much means twice as much food for me.

What can I say, I work with what I'm given.

Other than that we did the normal Thanksgiving-ish things.

And I like normal.

Most days.

We filled our bellies with yummy food.

And some of us even walked it off.

For a couple of hours.

That my friends, takes dedication.

Both for the toddler doing the walking...

And for the mother who is tying to prevent the toddler from walking into the walls.

We smiled for the camera...

Had a great old time hearing laughs and giggles from a very excited little girl...

Learned how to fly...

But most importantly we were thankful for this year's newest addition to all this Thanksgiving fun.

Happy Monday Friends!

Blessings in disguise

2011-11-23T01:00:00.002-06:00

Can't believe it's Thanksgiving tomorrow.

Again.

Is it just me, or did this year pass right by?

I think having an almost 1year old will do that to you...

Get you all senile and make you feel like you just had her yesterday.

Gosh, am I ever thankful for that almost one year old.

She makes it so darn easy to be thankful for her, too.

Giada and I just a few hours after her birth.

Speaking of being thankful.

I think it's so easy to forget about the things that we need to be grateful for.

But it's even easier to forget about the things we felt were inconveniences, or caused us heartache, when in actuality they were blessings in disguise.

Today I would like to take a moment and give those blessings in disguise their 15 minutes of fame.

I'm thankful for the fact that I came to this country, even though when I left my mother land 11years ago I cried for months until my eyes looked like puff bags.

In case you were wondering, being a non-english speaking teenager in a foreign land, is no fun.

At all.

But it has taught me so much about hard work, and dedication, and pushing myself farther.

And then that hard work has paid off, because living here has opened the door for so many other opportunities.

I love the life I'm living.

And as silly as it sounds,

I know a lot of it has to do with my geographical location.

For that, I am thankful.

I'm thankful that my mom pushed me to the point of heavy annoyance when I wanted to give up breastfeeding SO many times in the beginning.

Then, her 'keep on going' advice, was unbearable torture on my very sore boobs.

Now, I am so very thankful for the many special moments Giada and I were able to share.

It's something that only her and I will ever be able to experience, and it's the sweetest thing.

I am thankful for (some) unanswered prayers.

I'm thankful that I serve a God who outsmarts me by a long shot, and that he knows what's best for me, before I do.

I am thankful for a broken heart.

I didn't see it then, but...

I am glad God did not allow the relationship I thought was 'the one,' to be 'the one.'

Because instead of 1/2 year of heartache, I would have had an entire life of pain, broken dreams, unkept promises, and bitter tears.

That being said, I'm thankful for the fact that I gave Brandon a chance.

He was not supposed to be 'the one.'

But he is. He is so THE ONE.

Brandon and I at our first banquet shortly after we started dating.

Yes, we were babies.

I'm thankful for growing up in a very conservative church.

Because now that I know my God is not nearly as legalistic and uptight as I was told?

Has made me fall in love with Him so much more.

I hope that in this season of Thanksgiving you'll be able to count your blessings.

Big or small, I hope you can find something to be thankful for.

"Give thanks to the LORD, for he is good, His love endures forever."

Psalms 107:1

Her Story: Megan

2011-11-22T01:00:00.001-06:00

Hi y'all.

I've got a pretty fabulous lady sharing her story today.

This sweet thing? She can be any girl's best friend.

And I love that about her welcoming and loving personality.

Also, her humble attitude and love for Jesus makes me want to be a better person.

Get to know her. You won't regret it.

Say 'Hello' to Megan.

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Hi there, y'all! My name is Megan and I write about life over at Mackey Madness.

picture via Brandon O'Neal Photography

When Tatiana asked me to guest post for her beautiful series on women, I was SO honored...and a little (or a lot) nervous, too! Sometimes it's hard to admit things that we did wrong or mistakes that we made in life, but it's so good to share with others sometimes so that we can help them, gain support, and move forward.

The story that I'm sharing today starts in college. I went to a Christian college and I didn't drink or party. Right off the bat, I met a guy. Isn't that how most stories start? ; ) He was super athletic, sarcastic, cute, and really sweet...and I was a freshman in college and I fell fast and hard. We dated our entire first year of college and things were great. Until the day that I found out that he had been lying to me the whole time and partying and drinking behind my back.

I was devastated and we broke up. I told him that we were done, but he cried, apologized, and blubbered enough that I gave him another chance. He promised to change. And I believed him. As we continued to date, I really thought that he had changed. I prayed about our relationship constantly and asked God to take my feelings for him away if we weren't supposed to be together. I would hear rumors here and there about things that he was doing when we weren't together. Sometimes they were bad enough to make me break up with him, sometimes I just ignored them. I told myself that we could make it work because he never cheated on me, just lied about drinking, etc. Sometimes I felt God telling me that we weren't meant to be together, but I ignored it.

via

We continued to date for the next 3 years. We had too many dramatic breakups to count, yet we never dated anyone else. We always got right back together. After so many years together, I couldn't imagine a future without him, regardless of the things that he was doing. He told me that I would never find anyone that would love me as much as he did...and I believed him. I believed that he loved me. I believed that "one day he would change." I still prayed about our relationship, but my prayers had changed. I prayed that he would grow to know the Lord, but I prayed it selfishly so that we could stay together, not for his heart and salvation.

I graduated college a year before him (because he got suspended for drinking, which wasn't allowed on our Christian college campus) and moved about two hours away to start my nursing career. We continued to date his final year at college. Being away from him and having a lot of time to myself, I began to see that the things that he had once kept secret from me were now done right in front of me. Instead of me changing him for the better, he had begun to change me for the worse. My standards had dropped. He lived and breathed things that I was totally against, yet I stayed with him because I loved him. I started to realize that we couldn't have a future together unless I was willing to accept what he was doing...and I couldn't.

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After 5 years of dating, I ended things. It was the hardest thing that I've ever done. I cried. He cried. He begged me for just one more chance. He promised me that things would be different, but this time I didn't believe him. I clung to the Lord and got stronger, day by day. Looking back, I can't believe that I thought we were so "happy" through all of the drama, tears, lies, and hurt. I see now how shallow and selfish his love for me was...someone who truly loved me would never knowingly lie to me and hurt me time and time again.

The hardest part for me to accept was how quickly I had let a guy become my leading man, taking the place of God. I did a lot of soul searching after that. I'm happy to report that I am now happily married to an amazing, Godly man...and this relationship is stable, and good, and honest, and happy. And God is the head of it.

Picture via Brandon O'Neal Photography

Thanks so much for having me, Tatiana! I hope that someone out there can relate to this or can learn from it.

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Aren't her and her husband the cutest thing?

So glad they ended up together!

Thank you so much for opening your heart today Megan.

I think so many of us have met "Mr. Wrong" along the way and will be able to relate to this.

And ladies... If it feels wrong. Get out.

A Few Things on a Friday

2011-11-18T01:00:00.000-06:00

Giada is obsessed with my phone. Obsessed. If I let her, she could click, make phone calls to people I haven't talked to in ages, delete and send messages on it all.day long.

I feel like this girl o' mine is growing like a weed and turning into a real kid. This week she took her first two steps all by her lonesome self. I mean seriously? Wasn't she just kicking the inside of my belly and making me puke my guts out? How is she even this old?

I hate hate hate when they give me the craziest patients and their even more loony tunes families because they think I'm the nice one. Now, there's something wrong when I'm considered the nicest person there. I'm not nice dang it! I'm not nice, you hear me! Not nice!

On that note, I don't think I'll ever get used to my patients dying. I know it's part of life and all, but it still gets me every freaking time. During comfort care days? I'm an emotional mess.

What is it with kids and trash? Or pets and trash? I don't know why trash is so intriguing to them. Anyway, I turned my back for one second and when I turned around my kid was eating mashed potatoes from the trash bag. Oh heavens. Now that's a thing to tweet about. So I did. Twenty second later, I find this. She gets into EVERYTHING!

Seeing the look on everyone's face when they open their presents Christmas morning is one of my favorite things EVER . So inevitable, Christmas time gets pretty insane around here. Our family goes all out. This is my living room last Christmas morning before any presents were opened. There were 12 of us there, but still. We opened gifts for over 3hrs. So we've decided that this year we need to sloooooowwww dooooowwwwwn as well as take it a few notches down.

And yes, I'll still go bright and early on Black Friday and score some awesome sauce deals. I did it last year for the first time, and saved a LOT of money.

I would like to take a moment and call all lurkers today. There are so many of you that stop by, but so few that actually let your presence be known. So please. Do introduce yourselves today. Even if it's just to say 'Hi.' I would LOVE to 'meet' ya!

I hope your all have a fabulous weekend!

A Christmas tale

2011-11-17T01:27:00.006-06:00

I LOVE Christmas pictures.

LOVE THEM!

Not just because it's the cool thing to do,

Which totally is by the way.

But also because, to me, they tell the best story of where you've been.

The other day I was looking at our past Christmas pics, and all those memories just started flooding my brain.

So I thought, why shouldn't I share them?

So share them I will.

Year one.

We're still babies, and between the two of us we weigh about 40 to 50 lbs less.

Maybe more.

That one hurt to say out loud by the way.

I'm pretty sure if I try to pick Brandon up now, my ovaries would get loose and come out.

Year two...

That year's got two good things going for it:

We're still newly weds

and my perm grew out.

Having a perm made me look like an unshaved sheep that got it's head stuck in an electric socket.

Trial and error my friends.

You live and you learn.

Year three.

A whole bunch of milestones are taking place.

This marriage thing is starting to get good.

We know what sets us off, and what makes us happy.

I accept the fact that I'm the world's worse baker and completely give up on it.

Also, we're having a lot of fun.

You know, because I have rock hard abs and my boobies are still pointing up.

That being said...

We're going into year four.

Two weeks after having a baby.

I'm double padding my bras for extra leakage protection, and hiding my super post-baby belly flab with my newborn's feet.

Oh, and thanks to sleep deprivation I can't figure my head from my ~~ass~~ tail most days, let alone at what camera I'm supposed to be looking.

Believe it or not, this is our best Christmas family picture last year.

This year will probably be somewhere between year 3 and 4:

We know who we are, and we're really happy with our little family.

We're getting more sleep than during year 4, and most days I'm able to tell where my head is.

However my boobs are not pointing up as much.

Moral of the story:

You win some you lose some.

Happy Thursday friends!

Her Story: Sara

2011-11-15T01:00:00.000-06:00

Sara from 3Men and a Mommy is sharing her story today.

When this beautiful, sweet momma asked me to share her story, I never knew that it was going to bring tears to my eyes.

Her story?

Is one that none of us should ever have to experience.

A story full of heartbreak, and pain, and courage, and healing.

Stay a while and meet Sara.

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Here is my story of how I became the woman I am today...

Since having kiddos I have often thought about my childhood days (and my middle school and high school days too) with my younger sister and brother. I grew up in a very loving and Christian home. My childhood is full of fun and silly memories. As I grew up I started becoming my own sassy princess-like (as my mom would say) person. I wasn’t the popular kid in school, but I wasn’t the geeky person either. I was somewhere in the middle. I wasn’t picked on too much until I got to high school and met a certain someone. He changed my life…in horrible ways, and in good ways. It is still hard for me to say this. I was raped by someone who I thought loved me, my boyfriend (at the time), I was 16...

I thought it was so cool, me being a freshman in high school having a junior like me. He wanted to take me to prom. I was so excited. I was a busy girl. I was a cheerleader who cheered at least 7 different games a week plus of coarse homework. My new boyfriend did not like this at all. He would complain to me that I needed to spend more time with him. He took me away from my friends who ended up being very angry with me. I was being pulled in 2 different directions. When he realized my friends and family were getting upset with him, he changed. He wanted me all to himself. So he started to control me by telling me my friends didn't really want to hang out with me. He convinced me that he was the only person that wanted to be around me. I was a pretty good cheerleader...I heard it from several people who would come up to me after games and tell me the gymnastics I could do was awesome. The crowd would cheer for me and want me to do more. He hated this, and would tell me not to do gymnastics. If I did he would do something to hurt me or someone I cared about. I didn't always listen to him, and he would sit up in the stands and glare at me and call me names. He did more controlling things like this as the months went by. He would randomly say things to me like...he would find someone to beat up my friends or family, or slash their tires. I was becoming scared of him, however I never let that show. I didn't know what to do other than keep seeing him. He then started telling me that no one else would ever love me like he loves me, and that if I ever left him, he would hurt me or the people I cared about.

It got worse. He made me do sexual things, things that I DID NOT want to do. He then told me he wanted to have sex with me. I was so scared because I knew I didn’t want to at all.

He had a friend set it all up. We met him in a field out in the country. He was there with his Grandma’s car. It was June, so it was very hot outside, but I was freezing. The friends left, leaving me there alone…with him. He put me in the backseat, and I started to cry. He took my clothes off, than his. He forced me to have sex with him all while I was crying and shaking. I felt gross. He manipulated me into thinking that what happened was ok, made me write him notes saying I loved him, and what happened was a good thing. It happened again. I was alone with him at a friend’s house and he put me on a bed and forced me to have sex again with him. This time I was crying and telling him to stop, but he didn’t. Again, he manipulated me into thinking it was ok…and that no one would believe me any way.
It was the summer I was going to be a junior now, I was still with him. I went to a cheerleading camp, and while I was there, he proposed over the phone to me. Said he had a ring and everything. Over the past few years he had manipulated me into thinking no one else would want me or love me. So I said yes. I got home and I prayed in my room. And it was like a light went on in my head! I typed out a letter to him, mailed it, and then threw away all of the things I had that had to do with him. I heard that he was very mad at me when he got the letter…but he didn’t do a thing. He was going to be going into the military. I was at school the 1st day as a junior and he was in the parking lot. He then told people about things that happened between us when we were together. And for the next 2 years the rumors he spread about me that day stuck.

As a senior I dated a guy who stuck up for me when someone would mention the rumors. He was a sweet guy. And being a still naïve girl, I tried to change and be the girl he wanted me to be. I moved to Michigan (to get away from you know who) with him and his family. I went to beauty school there. And after many nights of crying cause he was talking to an old girlfriend from NE again. I decided one night while working and talking to some people I worked with, that I needed to end it with him. I drove home, woke him up and told him it was over. I then drove back to a friend’s house and there I stayed till I got my cosmetology license, and then moved in with a girl I worked with at a hair salon. Well this place was great at first. I was making new friends and loving being a hair stylist! But they weren’t paying me enough to live off of, and I was working full time. I ended up moving back to NE…back in with my parents. 1 month after I moved back…I met my husband who wasn’t even from NE. He worked with my dad. The moment I laid eyes on him, I knew we would be together forever.
We had been married for 5ish years when a friend of mine came out with her story of being raped in college and she created “The Teal Lotus Project”. It was that very day I read her story that I knew I had to tell my husband and family my story. Finally my healing process had begun. There were so many tears that fell that day. But after that, a small weight had lifted off my shoulders. I kept talking to my friend through emails, phone calls, and play dates. It felt good to talk about it after holding it in for so long. I talked to my mom and sister about it too. And through praying and talking I began to realize why I have been so angry inside…him! Which made me realize why I was mad at my mom…why we fought so much over the years. I sorta blamed her; thought she could of done something to prevent what happened to me. Now my anger is pointed in the right direction. POINTED STRAIGHT AT HIM. I felt so good knowing why I had been so angry but I also felt guilty for putting my mom through HELL (excuse my language)! I now call my mom my BEST FRIEND which I have never done before. My relationship with her has grown so much! I am crying happy tears just thinking about it. My relationship with my husband has strengthened too. Knowing that he believed me gave me strength, and also knowing that he wasn’t going to leave me gave me even more strength.

However, I began to battle with myself. I kept telling myself that yes it did happen, and then I would tell myself, no it didn’t happen, you are making this up. This is the battle I have been fighting for 13 years!! I felt sick to my stomach one night and all the next morning. And then it occurred to me…did it really happen the 1st time? So I emailed my friend telling her my thoughts. And after I sent it, I sat down and in detail I wrote everything that happened that night. After that I knew it happened. I had just forgot, my mind was trying to protect me. The battle was over. I finally believed myself. Another step in my healing process. The next step in my healing process was something I had tried before and couldn't do. Forgiving him. There was several months of crying and praying and talking with my friend, my mom and sister, and my husband. One day I all of a sudden got this wonderful feeling...I sat down on my bed, I prayed, and I forgave him. It sounds so easy put into words like that. But it was honestly the hardest thing I have ever done! I felt free. He was finally controlling me NO MORE!!!

A couple of months went by where everyday I thought of all that I have been through. I went into a bit of a depression...because I couldn't get it all out of my head (for 13 years I had forced it all out of my head) the good and the bad. But I kept praying and praying. The more I prayed, the happier I felt. I realized it had been a year since I had told my family everything. So I decided to do a follow up blog post (I told my story in 2 different blog posts last april) on how I was doing. When I started writing something inside me clicked and at that moment I realized I was going to be ok. I was happy again.

It WAS a rough year of many tears and prayers. But I got through it with the support of my husband and family. If my parent’s house wouldn’t have been a Christian family, I wouldn’t be sitting here typing this story out today. That evil man (if you can call him a man) had plans to move me FAR away from my family and never look back. I am a stronger person because of what happened to me. I am still healing inside from it all; some days are harder than others. But I am the happiest I have ever been in my life. My husband and little boys have changed my life in so many good ways. I love the Lord, and I am so glad he has helped me through this horrible thing for the past 15 years. For the 1st time in my life I feel beautiful inside and out. For me saying that…is amazing, because “he” made me feel ugly and told me I wasn’t worth anyone else’s time. My husband has told me every day since we have met that I am beautiful. I finally am starting to see what he sees.

Since I have shared my story, I have become so confident with who I am (and I have never been a confident person). I don’t care what people think of me anymore. All that matters is that I have a loving family who supports me and that I love myself.

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Thank you so much Sara for willing to open up your heart and share your story.

Your courage is outstanding, your heart is so beautiful, and the pain you overcame is a true testimony of the strong woman you are today.

PS: If YOU would like to share your story, shoot me an email at myblog.tatiana@gmail.com. I would love to have you.

Worry and Life Lessons

2011-11-14T01:00:00.000-06:00

I think life is funny.

I think the things that one can learn in one short year are unbelievable.

Last year I was wobbling around, thinking about how in a few short weeks I'll get to meet my little baby girl...

Worrying about having to push a small child out of my much, much smaller hoo-ha...

(Which I did, and I still have a hard time believing it even after the fact.

Because the math on that just ain't right, ya know?)

Worrying about bringing her into an unfinished house with no carpet or flooring...

Like she would have given a dirty diaper about that.

But that passed. And then she came.

And then I had a whole different class of things to worry about.

Will she eat? Why doesn't she eat? Will she sleep? Why won't she sleep?

Ok, she's sleeping too long.

But that passed. And then I had a whole other class of things to worry about.

Because that's how life is.

And if you let it, the worry will eat you from inside out and never look back twice.

However I've learned so much about myself.

Did you know that I can be a patient person?

'Cause I didn't. But I am. And that's thanks to my daughter.

Because when someone has a tantrum and hits you in the mouth with their head to the point that you feel your front teeth may fall out, and you don't do the same thing back?

That's called being patient.

I also didn't know that my brain would be able to function as well as it does with only a few hours of sleep a night.

Or that half of my brain would be expelled from my whispering eye during Giada's birth.

Or maybe pregnancy turns it into jello.

Either way, it's useless.

Or that I would much rather stay home with my girl than work.

Or that I would have to be ok with going on dates once every few months and wait to exchange spit with my husband at a movie theater like some horny teenagers.

Or that a 17lbs little girl would bring so much joy into our lives...

And fit right into our small crazy family.

So today I chose not to let worry take over.

Today I chose to be thankful for what I have...

And for the small moments that make my heart complete.

Because life's too short to worry about the rest.

11 Months

2011-11-10T01:00:00.000-06:00

Sweet Little Bear,

In one month from now, together with friends and family, we’ll be celebrating your very first birthday. My heart may just stop at that point. But we still have one month of babyhood. One month of me living in everlasting denial. One month before the world gets to call you a ‘kid’, since we both know you’ll forever and ever be my ‘baby girl.’

But let me tell you a little bit about what has happened this past month, since it’s been a wee bit eventful as far as your development goes.

Last month you were only saying ‘momma’ and ‘dada.’ This month you more than doubled your vocabulary. You now can also say ‘mmmmm” (for a cow’s moo), ‘ney-ney’ for horses, and your last important accomplishment is saying “Gia-da, Gia-da, Gia-da” over and over again all day long. It so stinking cute, and my heart melts every time I hear you saying it.

Even though you slobber like crazy, you still don’t have a single tooth to your name. Not even one. Also, you can stand on your own for quite a few seconds at a time if you’re distracted. You walk around furniture all day long, but still haven’t taken any steps on your own. And that’s ok. In your own time.

You also recognize what different things and people are. Among those are “Loli,” (your favorite sleeping buddy), Olivia the pig (your favorite cartoon), who mommy, mimi, and daddy are, and of course the sound for food. Speaking of food. Still loving all of it! You can seriously eat all day long. However, you’re not a huge fan of nursing or formula. I know that part of it has a lot to do with the fact that my wells are getting more and more dry each time you attempt to nurse. I have a feeling our feeding days are coming to an end pretty soon. Once that day will come, my heart will break a little bit since those special moments that only you and I shared will come to an end.

Your full of joy personality puts a smile on my face every single day, Little Love. When you clap your hands or dance around I see a little part of me in you, and my heart can’t help but skip around. However, your toddler tantrums are also starting to make their appearance. Oh mercy, the fits you throw when we try to change your diaper or get you dressed. And more recently when you need a bath. You were my little happy fish, however a couple of weeks ago that all changed and you scream bloody murder as soon as you see the tub. I really hope this phase will pass, because I may very well loose my mind one of those nights.

Thank you for bringing so much joy into our lives over the past year, sweet baby. You’re the biggest blessing that I have ever received, and I don’t have enough words to thank God for you.

Love you to the moon and back,

Forever yours,

Mommy.

Her Story: Janae

2011-11-08T01:00:00.001-06:00

Today I've got the ever so hilarious Janae from Grumpy Grateful Mom honoring me with her presence. This woman makes me laugh out loud. She can make any situation, no matter how disastrous, sound tinkle-your-pants funny. Her humor and outlook on life put a smile on my face every single time.

Go on...Read her story...
You'll see I ain't lyin.
Say 'hello' to Janae

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Now that I have kiddos, I notice history repeating itself much too often! Luckily, I was blessed with a wonderful role model—my mom.

When I was young, my elderly neighbors had the yummiest looking raspberries and those luscious berries were lingering just across the back alley from my house…untouched and unloved. How could I let them go to waste?

My friend and I made the important decision to save those raspberries from their certain rotting doom. We each took a handful….that was later discovered by my mom!

She marched us over to the neighbor’s back door. We had to give the raspberries back AND apologize. I sobbed through the whole ugly incident.

And never stole again.

Now, I’m teaching my children. A few years ago, my then four-year-old daughter, Dani, was caught red-handed with an empty cylinder-shaped container of mini-M&Ms. I had seen her admiring those M&Ms at Walmart only the day before and was certain they had been stolen.

There was no hesitation. I was knew what needed to be done to end her thieving ways. I lovingly dragged Dani to the store as she cried and screamed,

“Noooo, I don’t want to go! I’ll never do it again!”

I made her apologize and pay for the M&Ms with her ENTIRE childhood savings, about 60 cents.

I even took it a step further. We helped her write down her misdoing on a piece of paper, then we buried the paper in the ground. I was quite proud of my firm discipline and fabulously effective burying idea.

Until a couple months later, when I discovered, another empty bottle of M&Ms! Apparently, I didn’t quite have that technique down.

I took her to apologize and pay, again. No burying this time.

And Dani’s never stolen since then…or at least she’s gotten better at hiding her empty M&M bottles.

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Seriously now, this woman is funny!

If you don't already know her, you should go on and introduce yourselves.

Thank you so much Janae for sharing one of your life stories with the rest of us.

It was great having you! True story.

PS: If YOU would like to share your story, shoot me an email at myblog.tatiana@gmail.com. I would love to have you.

Miscellaneous Monday

2011-11-07T01:00:00.000-06:00

On Saturday night we went to an authentic Japanese restaurant. You know, the kind that makes you take your shoes off so you could smell everybody else's stinky socks. Good thing we were all among friends. Anyway...Giada ate a ton of food there. Probably about as much as I did. At one point I was wondering if she was hiding it somewhere. However, two filled to the top, super craptacular diapers later, and I was convinced that she has indeed eaten all that food. Girlfriend sure enjoys her grub.

I honestly don't remember the last time Brandon and I went on a date. So when my SIL volunteered to babysit Giada last week, we jumped on it like a hobo on a sandwich. Nothing too special, just my first 3D movie and a theater all to ourselves, with very minimal tonsil hockey and spit exchange. I'll take it. Get'er done.

We're getting more and more creative with our play time around here. We're almost leaning on the white trash side of the fence. Ok, so if you take into consideration my outfit there, we probably are way on the other side of it. Don't hate.

First world problem coming up: My pathetic dish washer is becoming more pathetic. After getting my dishes out dirtier then they got in, I gave up and started washing them. BY HAND. It's been two flipping months. TWO. That in combination with washing my hands a billion times a day at work, makes for some cracked, alligator-skin-looking, bleeding hands. I whine and complain all day long about it, but still can't bring myself to buy a new one. 'Cause I can't fit it in my budget just yet. Needless to say, not a fan of the budget thing.

Have you been feeling all the Christmas cheer already? If not, all you gotta do is drive by a Starbucks. But seriously now. My Christmas decor juices have been boiling over like wow. I even contemplated putting the Christmas tree up. Well, really, I was going to ask Brandon to do it, because lets face it, there ain't no way I can put that 12 feet tall beast up.

Confession: sometimes, good, strong coffee and winter themed flannel pajamas are what carry me through a crazy day. Now you know.

Happy Monday!

Wordless Wednesday: Fall Party Edition

2011-11-02T01:00:00.001-05:00

Meet our very dysfunctional family.

The cutest little lamb I have ever seen...

And the hottest 1920's gangster couple the farm hills of this side of the country has ever encountered.

Word.

There were plenty of other good-looking hoodlums at this party

Not to mention

Good food, great friends, many laughs...

Oh, and enough hay in my undergarments to feed a whole barn of horses.

Happy Wednesday!

Linking up with Jenni from the blog, Live and Love out loud , Seven Clown Circus The paper mama and The pleated poppy

Her Story: Susan

2011-11-01T01:00:00.003-05:00

Hey y'all.

It's that time of the week again...

You know, when another beautiful lady shares her story.

But before that takes place, I would just like to say...

Thank YOU for making "Her Story" a huge success last week.

You'll never know how much your sweet comments, emails, and words mean.

So many of you have come by and I know many others have been blessed by last week's story.

Today, Susan, from The Life of Susan is gracing my internet home with her presence.

This girl has such a big heart for serving others, and you can't help but want to be her friend.

And one of the things I love most about her?

Is that this woman is a fighter.

If life throws her lemons, she crawls through hell and high waters, and comes on the other side a winner.

Please stay a while and say hello to Susan.

{Feel Free to spread the word.

This will link to all 'Her Story' posts.}

In the meantime…

Usually when you hear the words “in the meantime” it implies a season of waiting… an expectation of something to come. This phrase has continued to pop into my mind over the last 7 months as I’ve watched dreams, that were set to become reality, come crashing to the floor. What do we do when our world falls apart? When the crystal vase of our lives hits the ground and we’re left running for cover from the shards that threaten to tear us open? And for goodness sake, what do we do in the meantime?

This is a lesson that I have by no means completely figured out. There are days when I’m still “in it.” When I step on a stray piece of glass to find that I’m bleeding again. So what can we do when we feel trapped in this “in the meantime” season? Stuck between shattered dreams and resurrected hope? Here’s some things that have helped me through and maybe it will encourage you in your own season of waiting.

1. It’s okay to take time to focus on yourself and your well-being. Often as women we put so much pressure on ourselves to be everything to everyone and many times neglect ourselves in the process. For me this translated into extra weight. Literally. About 80 pounds of it. So I made a decision to change. In January I joined Weight Watchers and I’ve managed to shed 55 pounds so far. My body has lost over 30 inches and is capable of far more than I ever imagined. 2 weeks ago I ran my first 5k and I felt like I had conquered the world. Sometimes I look in the mirror and wonder, “who is this girl?” And all it took was giving myself the freedom to take care of me. And you know what? When we do that? We’re able to give to others out of a much healthier, happier place.

2. Do things that will stretch you. No, I’m not talking about yoga (although that might help you with number 1). I mean, do things that are out of your comfort zone- things that will cause you to grow and develop as a person. I am by nature a very task-oriented person. Put me behind a computer and I’m right at home. Being relationship-oriented? It’s difficult for me at times. It’s something I really have to work at. So when the opportunity arose for me to co-facilitate a prayer ministry class at my church this fall, I took it. I knew that stepping out into that leadership role was going to force me to intimately connect with other people- to meet them heart-to-heart. And you know what? It is hard! But it is so so so good. Someone even told me last night at class how much she looks up to me as such a relational person. I had to laugh. Only God can take this introverted I’d-rather-be-home-alone-on-my-couch-girl and transform her into a social butterfly. Alright, social butterfly might be a stretch, but I’m getting there ok? Baby steps people.

3. For heavens sake- have fun. Don’t take life too seriously. I’ve done that for so long and its time to lighten up. Life is full of ups and downs and twists and turns and that’s what makes it so exciting. Newsflash people- you can’t control everything! So stop trying! I have to tell myself this every day. God knows how to manage the universe much better than I do. It’s time to step down off my high and mighty throne and enjoy being a human being. A human being with feelings and emotions who makes mistakes. Let’s learn to laugh at ourselves and our quirks and insecurities. We’ve all got them. Let’s stop pretending like we have it all together and just rest in the security that the creator of the universe, and probably a whole lot of other people too, love us unconditionally, no matter what. There is such freedom when we can live our lives not just knowing that, but really believing it!

“Have you not known? Have you not heard? The everlasting God, the LORD, the Creator of the ends of the earth, neither faints nor is weary. His understanding is unsearchable. He gives power to the weak, and to those who have no might He increases strength. Even the youths shall faint and be weary, and the young men shall utterly fall, but those who wait on the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles, they shall run and not be weary, they shall walk and not faint.” Isaiah 40:28-31

So what are you doing with your “in the meantime?” Are you making the most of it? Preparing yourself for the next adventure life will take you on? I hope this encourages someone today!

Big thanks to my girl Tatiana for letting me share her space of the Internet today. Thanks for all your love, support and encouragement my dear. You are wonderful.

Much love,

Susan

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Thank you so much Sue for sharing a piece of yourself with the rest of us today.

You're an amazing woman, and your faith, strength, and determination, will never stop to amaze me.

PS: If YOU would like to share your story, shoot me an email at myblog.tatiana@gmail.com. I would love to have you.

Adventures

2011-10-28T01:00:00.000-05:00

If you ever thought that your big adventures end once you have kiddos, I'm here to prove you wrong my friends.

First, I must say that you probably have never had to change a super full, crappy diaper on a super squirrely child without being covered in it up to your elbows.

Or dealing with teething infants and NOT becoming an alcoholic in the process.

Now that's an adventure within itself.

But we've had plenty of other adventures around here lately...

There's been lots of horseback riding...

Running wild around the house...

Being the best peekaboo players this world has ever seen

And cleaning after hurricane Giada over and over and over again all day l o n g.

Yes. I'm exhausted.

Yes. I may have aged a couple to a few years since this teething business has started.

And no, I wouldn't give any of it away.

Ok, maybe I would give it away for one night so I could have an adult date night with my leading man...

And maybe, just maybe, one of those days this dream too, will come true.

Embrace the camera

2011-10-27T01:00:00.002-05:00

Today is the day to embrace the camera.

But first, can I just say how amazing you guys are in my life?

Seriously, you full on rock the socks off my feet.

All of you who left comments and sweet emails from Tuesday's "Her Story" post made my heart SO full.

Like, 'Thank God for the pericardial sac or else that poor heart of mine would come out of my chest and explode" full.

Oh, and also, Courtney asked me to thank each and every one of you for your kind words.

So Thank you Thank you Thank you for being so supportive.

And now...

I'm embracing the camera with the Anderson Crew.

You know, where I actually step in front of it and make some memories with my first born...

Who as cute as she is, has been acting like she's a distant relative of Chucky lately.

Screaming and waking up at all hours of the night, skipping naps, and being a total crab monkey many a times.

It must be the curse of the teeth, 'cause if she's doing all that for pure entertainment I may just kill-over soon.

Still, another good reason to take pictures with her now.

When I'm old, and grey, and incontinent of both urine and stool, I'll pull my stack of pictures and kindly remind her of all my great suffering from her childhood days.

Then I'll proceed to inform her that it is now her turn.

It's never too soon to plan for your retirement folks. Never too soon.

But till then, we'll take each day one at a time and enjoy every single season our lives bring.

Sleepless nights, dirty diapers, large cups of non-decaf coffee in hands, big smiles on our faces, and hearts full of joy inclusive.

'Cause we're sappy like that.

I strongly recommend you embrace that camera and have a blast today!