Her Story: Rachel

Hello there peeps.

I'm so happy to introduce you to Rachel today.

This lucky lady lives across the pond in Wales, UK, and I am beyond jealous of all the history and beauty she gets to see and breathe in on a daily basis.

But today she's here to share with you her story.

One that I'm sure we all can relate to either once in a while or on a daily basis;

In a small scale or big... you'll be able to see a part of yourself in her story.

Enjoy.

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Hi there! My name is Rachel. I'm 25, I'm married to a fantastic man called Josh and I live in Wales, UK. I'm a Christian, and amongst many things I love photography, cooking, blogging, entertaining and the countryside.

Ever since I saw that Tatiana was doing a series on different women's stories this post has been in my mind.

You see, I really struggle with anxiety.

I think it's probably quite a common problem amongst us women, but sometimes we live with it for so long that we forget what it's like to live without it. We act in certain ways not even realising that it's anxiety that is at the root of our behaviour.

'What will people think of me if I do this?', 'I bet she thinks I'm really ugly', 'How will I pay my bills if I don't have a job?', 'Will I be able to have children?' are all thoughts {amongst many others!} that swirl around in my mind and if unchecked can drag me down into a mire of stomach churning worry.

In fact one of the first things I said in my email to Tatiana about this post was 'my blog is really small and I am probably not a good enough writer to do a guest post but...'

Why do I do that? Who told me I'm not good enough?! No-one has ever told me that - in fact people compliment me on my blog so why do I constantly worry what people think of me?

This post isn't going to be a story of how I completely turned my life around and how I never feel anxious anymore. Instead it's simply a story of how God spoke to me about my anxious thoughts and how it profoundly changed my attitudes and habits.

I'll start at the beginning and try to make it short!

Up until a few months ago I worked in a church office. We often had homeless people seeking shelter in the church and last year we had one man who became quite a regular. He had long black hair, a straggly beard and dressed in ragged clothes. He obviously had a mental illness and although he would never admit it I think that's why he was out on the streets. He formed a bit of an attachment to me and often used to stand just staring at me for minutes at a time. We tried to be as welcoming and loving as possible but to be honest sometimes he was just plain creepy.

I started having nightmares about him, and even though he'd never been threatening or aggressive I really started worrying about what he might do to me.

It was also around that time that I began to acknowledge that anxiety was a problem for me. I realised that at any given time in the day I would physically feel anxious or nervous. I couldn't even put my finger on why. It was as if my mind knew there was nothing to be anxious about but my body felt tense and stressed. I started praying about this with my mentor at church, that God would change my attitudes and help me to trust him more.

One night, a few weeks later I woke up with a start. In my dream I had turned around and the homeless man had been staring at me and I knew he was there with bad intent. I lay in bed half asleep and started thinking about all the bad things that could happen to me when I was in church on my own. It's surprising what you can convince yourself is possible at three o'clock in the morning!

Suddenly I jerked awake as if a bucket of water had been thrown in my face and I heard God say clearly to me

"Why do you think you feel anxious all the time if this is what you fill your mind with?"

I knew God had spoken but I quickly fell back to sleep.

The next day I decided to listen to a sermon online and the next one on my list was on Philippians 4: 4-9. I didn't know what the passage was off the top of my head but the verses quickly jumped out at me.

“Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.”

I know both of these verses but I never actually realised that they were written together. It was God again reminding me of the point he had made to me the night before. When I feel anxious I need to be giving everything to God and trusting that he will sort out the situation for his good.
But more than that… I need to be constantly filling my mind with what is pure, lovely, praiseworthy, excellent and admirable, not dwelling on the things that scare and worry me. I think in theory I was trusting God, but I was still keeping a little bit of the stress on myself so I could prepare myself for worst-case scenarios. However, I can never truly have the peace of God if that’s what I’m filling my mind with.

It seems like such a simple thing but it was so profound to me. God had answered my prayer and actually spoke directly into my problem! He loves us that much that he cares about both the small and the big problems in our lives...and nothing is too huge for God to sort out.

If you struggle with anxiety or worry I would really encourage you to give your problems to God, but also to focus on the positives - not the negatives- in your life.

Make a list of the little things that bring you joy at the moment
Record when God speaks to you or answers a prayer
Read about God's faithfulness in the bible, in biographies or on the web and spend some time praising him for his goodness

I'm not a psychologist and I know many people have anxiety problems that are much worse than mine and need professional help. I'm simply sharing my story with you in the knowledge that focussing on the positives has often helped me curb my anxiety when my thoughts are getting negative and unhelpful.
God loves me and he loves you. He created us to be US. Sure, there are times when we need to work on our attitudes and actions but God promises to love us and care for us. He's got a good plan for YOU.

Start believing it!

There are so many things I wanted to say in this post but it's already way too long! If you want to talk to me or challenge me about anything I've written then please don't hesitate to contact me. I would love to hear from you! I blog over at www.vicarswifeintraining.blogspot.com.
Thanks so much to Tatiana for giving me the opportunity to share my story today!

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PS: If YOU would like to share your story that would inspire, move and help other women, shoot me an email at myblog.tatiana@gmail.com. I would love to have you.