Sometime I learn things the hard way...

This morning I feel the need to educate you.

All of you.

It's my obligation...

Er, my duty to society, if you will.

So here's the deal.

Sometimes, and I'm not saying always, but sometimes, I learn thing the hard way.

At times by choice, and at times?

Well let's just say luck is not always on my side.

Without further ado, here are a few life lessons you shall take from me...

And trust me.

You want to avoid every single one of them at all times.

First off, make sure that you and your teenage daughters hold on tight to their swimsuit tops at Disney Land.

Those water slides are very good at leaving you completely topless.

On more than one occasion...

In front of your family, small children, old men, and young life guard who's whistle may or may not fall out of his mouth at the sight of boobies..

...while you're still jumping up and down with excitement, completely oblivious to the fact that your top is not covering you any longer.

It may leave a teenage girl in tears and scarred for many years.

If you're a brand new nurse and trying to get rid of some blood in a syringe bc you don't think you've got time to get a new one...

Make the time!

And definitely DO NOT squirt the blood in the sink (stupid) because it will end up splashing allover the place, including into your eyes and mouth. (To this day the memory makes me gag)

AND...

DO tell someone, and DON'T wait a whole 7months before you get tested for everything under the sun.

Especially when the pt you got the blood from looks very, very questionable as far as his life style choices go.

(I'm pretty sure I heard angels sing the day they told me I was completely 'clean.'

Can I get a Hallelujah?)

If you've got to go to the bathroom, and are in a place that has a bathroom, DO NOT wait and assume you'll be ok until you get home.

Because you may be 10 minutes away from your home, driving in your new car, and praying to everything out there that you do not spend that evening cleaning your own crap off your leather seats.

You will also drive like a maniac, pass everyone on your way, and get the finger from multiple drivers.

I'm convinced that never in my life have I ran faster than I did that day, trying to get in my own house.

And in case you were wondering...

by some kind of miracle, I made it into my own bathroom without any accidents.

And last but not least...

If you're the type of person that likes to place inanimate objects in body orifices that you've got no business sticking...

Please, for the love, DON'T DO IT!

Because you may very well earn yourself a hospital stay on my floor...

And then people like me and my coworkers will have to fish, tug and pull, in order to get stuck object out of you.

And have no doubt...

We will make fun of you behind your back.

Because you're just asking for it.

That being said...

I hope you took those things to heart.

And now that you're done reading some of my life lessons, I hope you're leaving more educated than when you came.

Happy Thursday Loves

These things I love...

I love my gougeous momma who celebrated her birthday on Monday.

She is such an amazing mom and the bestest grandma EVER!

AND...

In case you couldn't sleep at night, 'cause you were wondering where I was getting all my great looks from, well now you know.

Mystery solved.

There's nothing like watching my little girly sleep.

I love sitting next to her and just watch her breathe.

LOVED reading this book.

It made me laugh to the point of tears, and maybe even leg crossing tiny tinkle accidents on more than one occasion.

So you know it's gotta be funny.

It def. goes down as one of my faves.

My love affair with food is never ending...

... and apprenetly neither is Giada's.

I give you exhibit A through D of "Learning how to eat with our hands"

In case you were wondering, her food has NOT been chewed, swallowed, barfed, swallowed again, and then barfed a second time...

Even though it looks like it may have been...

Not gonna lie, there was some gagging on my part during this mess

Last but not least, I love our little family.

I know I'm beyond blessed to have them both, and life without those two would never be the same.

Happy Hump Day!

Linking up with Jamie for WILW this fine mornin'

They should never make caskets this small

First, I just got to thank you guys for how amazing you've all been and for your encouraging words on my last post.

All your support and advice made me feel so loved, and I really appreciate it all.

Second of all, I apologize for throwing your way two heavy posts in a row.

If some of you are here for some easy going comic relief this morning, stop reading now, and come back another day...

Because I tried writing something easy going but after last week's events, everything else seemed trivial. Of no importance.

I got a heart breaking call last Monday morning.

My husband informed me that his high school's friends found their 16month old baby boy dead in his crib.

CPR was attempted...

But it was too late. He was... gone.

Without any explanation.

I could feel my heart sinking for those parents.

All of a sudden my lack of sleep and screaming sick child wasn't that big of an issue.

When you are a parent, you can't help but think "That could have been my child. My heart could have been ripped right out of my chest on a regular Monday morning."

I hung up the phone, grabbed my very whiny baby, and didn't stop until every inch of her snotty face was completely covered in kisses.

I looked into her big blue eyes and tears started filling my eyes at the thought of never seeing them again.

How do you begin to accept the fact that you will never again see your baby smile back at you, call you 'mama,' achieve another milestone, celebrate a birthday?

How do you move on after finding your child dead without any explanation.

You can't.

At least not alone.

Time, your loved ones, and God will help patch your scars, but I don't believe that the wounds can ever be completely healed.

Yes, there may be a time when those grieving parents will wipe their tears and will accept that they will never again get to hold their baby boy on this earth; and yes they may even move on with their lives, have more children, and laugh again...

But in their hearts there will always be a missing pice until they'll be able to hold and kiss that little face again.

I know that I could never be whole again after such a loss.

If you're the praying kind, keep this heartbroken family in mind.

I pray that they find peace and acceptance with time...

and I also pray that none of us ever have to walk in those heavy shoes.

This past Saturday there were close to 700 people saying goodbye to Jordan.

At the end of the service, every one had tears in their eyes, and the sky was filled with hundreds of balloons released in his memory.

That moment of silence was heartbreaking, and yet so peaceful.

And all I could think of was...

"They should never make caskets this small.

Rest in peace sweet baby.

You were so loved."

Forgive and Forget: easier said than done

There's something that's been on my mind lately.

I've been trying to ignore it. Pretend it doesn't bother me.

Pretend that life happens, people grow and move on, leaving you behind.

But no matter how hard I try, I just can't let it go.

I can't push out of my mind the fact that over the years there have been people who I have considered my closest friends, whom I shared my deepest secrets with, who I deeply cared about, and who are now nothing but acquaintances.

Or even worse...

Old memories.

The sadness of it all eats at my soul.

But more than that...

It makes me angry... and bitter.

I wish it didn't.

I wish I didn't care about it all, but I do, and it's driving me off the wall.

So what brings on all this melodrama?

Well, I've been thinking about it for a little while now...

About four years to be more exact.

Ever since one of my best friends from my high school days, whom I was there for through thick and thin... Never missing any big even in her life...

{Lover drama, arranged marriage drama, bridal shower, baby shower... you name it...}

Who's side I was always by, so much so that people often thought we were sisters...

Who was supposed to be in my wedding...

Who skipped my wedding day.

Just like that. Not a word about it.

The day before my wedding we talked on the phone about my hair, never even thinking about the fact that she won't be there the next day.

I must have played that conversation in my head about a million times over.

Overanalyzing everything about it.

Did I say something wrong? Did I miss something?

It was just a very casual conversation. Nothing deep about it at all.

I couldn't have missed anything about it. There was nothing to miss.

I didn't call to find out what happened.

What she did may have hurt like hell, and I wanting to know her reason for skipping the biggest day of my life was eating me up from inside out...

But I'm as proud as the biggest fool you have ever laid eyes on, and as stubborn as a mule...

So there was no way in this world I was going to be the first one picking up that phone.

And neither did she...

She disappeared off the face of the earth...

Like we never even knew each other.

For three years.

Until one day, about 1 1/2 yrs ago, when she found me on Facebook.

At least I knew she didn't kill over in a ditch somewhere, and that's why she never showed up at my wedding.

Maybe it's mean. But I was pretty furious.

She sent me a message on FB asking for my phone number, bc she was finally trying to explain what happened that day.

THREE mother flipping years later!

Seriously now.

Are you kidding me?

I gave her my number and told her she can call me whenever she wants, thinking it would be another couple of years.

She called early the next morning.

For three years I wanted to know the reason behind my best friend abandoning me on my biggest day of my life.

For three years I over thought and analyzed what has happened that day.

Today was the moment of truth. Finally.

And I?

I couldn't pick up that damn phone.

I just froze.

I was still mad. Still hurt. Still not ready to forget the incident...

or {GASP}

forgive her for that matter.

I knew it wasn't Christian like.

I knew I should pick up that phone and sort things out, and at the end of it put it all behind me.

But I couldn't.

If she needed three years to tell me the reason behind it all, than I should have a little more than a day to prepare for it.

Or so I told myself.

She left a message asking me to call her back.

To this day, I never have.

To this day I'm still wondering what happened.

We're still 'friends' on FB. Still comment once in a while on each other's pictures. Still civil.

But the issue has never been brought up again.

I guess the ball is in my court now, and I've been thinking that maybe it's time I do something about it.

And maybe I will.

Before the end of the century.

"Friendship is unnecessary, like philosophy, like art... It has no survival value; rather is one of those things that give value to survival."
- C. S. Lewis

A few things on a Friday

Confession: I was forced to buy a two piece swimsuit bc I couldn't find one that did NOT scream out loud "I'm post menopausal, and there's nothing I can do about the cottage cheese covering my upper thunder thighs." I'm NOT at that stage yet. What I was looking for was something that would simply say "Let's cover up your baby Shamu belly fat, squeeze in some of that love that's on your handles, and make your laddies face the same horizon they did before you had that cute baby of yours." Ok, so maybe I need to go to a plastic surgeon, and not Target's women's section, with those requests.

I'll share a picture of Giada in a swimsuit, instead of me.

You can thank me later.

• I may have avoided the hallway at work for half a day because I was a basket case and could not hear the patient's husband, who was two doors down from mine, scream over and over again "Don't leave me. Please don't leave me!" for 6hrs. We all knew she was going to "leave" him. After 40 years full of happy memories, he knew that the love of his life was going to "leave" him. My heart was breaking for him.

• My child thinks that yelling "NO" while she puts her hands in her own crap in the middle of a diaper change, is the funniest thing EVER. That sense of humor must come from her daddy's side of the family, because momma here does not find that s%$# funny. Pun intended.

• Word to the wise. If you drink two cups of coffee after not having any serious amount of caffein in the last year and a half, be prepared to run to the bathroom every 30minutes with a terrified look on your face that says "you may not make it" every.single.time. Oh, also...those symptoms may last a couple to a few days. Aaaaaaannnnddd... by the end of it, after using the bathroom so much, you could feel like some of your brains may have also passed through your colon. TMI? Maybe. But you've been warned.

• I would like to have the same outlook on the simple things in life as Giada has on eating grass.

I hope you guys have a beautiful, stress free weekend!

8 Months

My sweetest little Joli-Bear,

Goodness kiddo, how are you 8 months old? Last time I blinked, you were still only a couple of weeks old, and we were both trying to figure out this new thing that was thrown our way. Now we’re old pros, you and I. I’m afraid that I’m going to wake up one morning and it will be time for you to go to college. I will cry my little heart out, then pack a bag, and follow you wherever you go. You have been warned.

I never stop being amazed at how much you are developing every month. This truly is a fun stage, and you hit all those new milestones one after another, never looking back.

Let’s face it, the biggest milestone you have reached just within the last few weeks is saying ‘ma-ma.’ First it was just randomly, but then you started saying it a lot more deliberately. You mostly say it when you wake up and want me to pick you up. You also repeat it quite a bit if I am very persistent about it. It melts my heart every.single.time. You also have my permission now to say “da-da.” You say a lot of other sounds, but none of them are the “da” one so far.

Another thing you have started doing within the last week or so, is standing up on your crib, or anything else that you can support yourself on, for that matter. You’re SO active, and go.go.go. all the time. We really have to keep a close eye on you now even more than before, because you’re not just a chocking hazard anymore. Oh no. You’re so much more. You’re trusting your little legs way more than you should, and have already fallen a couple of times when you try to transfer yourself from one piece of furniture to the other. We’re a little bit behind on the baby-proofing around here, but it looks like it’s going to have to happen really soon.

You’re still the best eater ever. If we’re eating, you HAVE TO have whatever we’re having as well, regardless of the fact that you just ate your own food. And you like EVERYTHING that it’s given to you. You have even tried rice and curry and loved it. Giada love, you have no idea how happy that makes your mommy.

And the funny thing is that you try to bite everything to death with your gums, considering the fact that you still don’t have a single tooth in your head. At this rate, all you’ll want for Christmas will be your front two teeth.

You sleep through the night, but I’m ruining your sleeping schedule with the fact that I wake you up at 6am three times a week to feed you before going in to work. This really bites me in the butt the rest of the days I don’t have to go in.

Most days, you’re still taking long naps every couple of hrs. The day you decide to give up your naps I will cry my eyes out. They are what keep my sanity somewhat in check. So please oh please, hold on to them as long as possible. For everyone’s sake.

You are such a beautiful and happy baby, love, and I can’t wait to keep on watching you grow and transform into a little young lady who loves Jesus and her family with all her heart. Keep on amazing us Little Love.

I love you to the moon and back.

Forever yours,

Mommy.

When busy is oh so good

There's no way around it.

This weekend?

Bee-zey!

But oh so much fun!

Still, I'm at the verge of slapping myself to stay awake long enough to finish this post.

But apparently self abuse is frowned upon, so I shall refrain from it.

In case you missed my last post, Friday was our 4yr Anniversary, and we HAD to do something to celebrate.

Problem is?

Not much to do on this side of the boonies..

Unless you're an outdoor freak like my husband...

....then there's lots to do.

But you add an infant to the mix, and your choices really become limited.

This is why we chose to visit one of the small, cute towns that is located a couple of hrs away from us, and just walk around and enjoy the views.

For some reason however, our 2 hr drive took 3 1/2hrs, due to the simple fact that every family in the state was going there as well.

But it was all good.

Because?

The view driving up the mountain made it all worth it!

It was SO gorgeous.

As we breathed in the clean, fresh air, and watched a hawk grab a fish from the river and fly inches above our windshield,

we couldn't help but be amazed by God's creation and His imagination.

It was all breathtaking.

Then we got there and were greeted by even more beauty.

I don't know why, but the sight of water always puts a huge smile on my face.

I feel this huge, overwhelming happiness in my soul whenever I am around it.

Yes, I'm being sappy.

Get over it.

We walked around town, enjoyed the views, met with my SIL and BIL, ate, walked some more, and hoped to everything that's right in this world, that my child falls asleep.

She didn't.

Side note: when you teach your child to sleep by herself in the crib at home, it may bite you in the rear real hard whenever you're out and don't have the privilege of a crib or a quiet room.

She didn't sleep until we placed her in the car seat and headed home at 9pm.

That was a total 9hrs with no sleep!

Pretty sure it was a record.

She's a party animal this one.

Along the way I found a pottery place, where you could paint and customize different types of plates or clay objects.

I just about squealed with excitement at the idea, and quickly dragged Brandon along.

He was a little bit less thrilled than I.

The sound of a Brazilian wax may have sounded more appealing than this.

But since he is an amazing husband, he came along and even put some effort into it.

The above pics are from the before and after.

I started out with a white plate and ended up with a slightly less white one.

This intricate design of an "L" for our last name, surrounded by blue dots, took me about 1 1/2 hrs to accomplish.

I am THAT good.

Please do your best not to be jealous.

But I think we'll all agree that all is well when it ends with a very generous scoop of ice-cream.

Unless you're lactose intolerant.

Then all I have to say is that you may have made somebody real mad in another lifetime, and that I shall pray for you, you poor sucker.

I joke.

But really, you're missing out.

So pop some of them lactase pills, and have yourself a happy Monday with the rest of us.

PS: Mommas, how do you make your children take their naps when you're out of town?

To have and to hold...

Four years ago I promised my best friend

In front of God, our family and friends,

that I will love, respect and stay by his side through thick and thin.

Four years have gone by with their ups and downs, and his corny jokes still put a smile on my face everyday...

His kisses still send my heart into dysrhythmia, and awake the butterflies in my stomach...

And he's the only man I choose to walk hand in hand with for the rest of my life..

way past the point of old and wrinkly.

Now, that's what I call real love baby.

The truth is, that I love the guy to death, and I'm so happy that God has allowed me to spend my life by his side.

Here's to many more happy years!

Let's (not) fight about it

I gotta say that over the last few years, married life and being a mom has taught me so many things about myself.

And every time I act differently than what I have thought I would under the circumstances, I take a step back and have a big "WOW" moment.

As in "WOW! What just happened?" "Who is this person?" moment.

I could give you multiple example and scenarios.

But I won't.

Today, you only get one.

'Cause today is all about fighting and arguments.

And not just any kind of fighting...

But the kind that involves your leading man.

Let's face it.

Even the best and most stable marriages/relationships have arguments, disagreements, and the occasional 'fight.'

If you don't have any of the above mentioned marital "requirements", than you belong in one of the two categories:

A: You are in denial.

OR

B: You're a big fat liar.

Because the truth is?

Even the most stellar husbands have bad days.

Take mine for example.

The guy is AMAZING!

Honestly and truly a great provider, husband, and daddy.

I'm lucky to be his wife.

No exaggeration here.

However...

Like everyone else, the man has his own little things that drive me off the wall and make me want to put him in a time out with no tv or dinner for a week.

I don't.

But I really wanna.

The major one is when he gets snappy-smartmouthy with me when I say something that was not meant to be a big deal.

(I'm not saying I don't have my issues. We're just not talking about mine today. Mmk?)

And if there was ONE thing that the man knew about me before we got married, was that

homegirl here don't take no s%$#.

From nobodies.

And she definitely don't take no snappy.

Let's rewind for a second here.

I've never had a problem with confronting someone when they stepped over the line.

I am not the "I'm gonna get in your face and pound you to the ground so let me take my earrings off type."

However, I do demand to be respected, because I always try to be respectful in return.

So if that line is crossed, ya'll hear from me.

'Cause you know what?

People will push you as far as YOU allow them to.

So set your boundaries.

This being said, before getting married, I strongly believed that as soon as my husband would step on my nerves, I would speak up right away and put him in his place.

I really thought that we may end up in numerous, very vociferous debates.

Immagine my surprise when we had our first, second, third, (you get the point) argument and I did NOT do that.

Instead of raising my voice, my "married" fighting style is to act exactly the opposite:

I leave the room without saying a word.

But never before giving him the look.

You know the "Boy, you better check yourself before you reck yourself" look.

And he knows right away what it means too.

They ain't stupid.

They know the nights they'll be eating frozen dinners alone.

So my fight? Is no fight.

Good thing about not saying a word during a big argument, is that I avoid saying all the things that are crossing my mind at the moment.

Hurtful things, inappropriate things, things that I KNOW I would regret later.

Which is really the reason why I keep my trap shut.

Bad thing about it?

I hold a strong grudge.

For hours at end.

Sometimes even days, as the hubs is truly sorry, apologizes and tries to make things right again (because there is a really great guy underneath the sometimes snappy).

Let's just say the lead man has a lot of kissing up to do once he messes up.

I know... Not my best quality.

Sometimes I wish that I was more like a few of our friends who have really l0ud, verbal fights, throw things at walls, get over it ten minutes later, and behave like nothing ever happened.

But I know very well that that would not work for me.

Our marriage would most definitely fail if we fought that way.

The reality is, that you do what works for you and your relationship.

Be it the silent treatment (nice to meet you), the crazy, loud arguing, or the calm, logical 'let's talk about it' type.

Everything in moderation.

Except violence of any type. THAT is never ok.

And never forget the most important part to a successful marital argument:

you've gotta kiss and make up.

So do tell please...

Has marriage made you act completely differently than what you may have thought.

AND

How do you work thought your disagreements in your relationships?

Dreaming of greener career pastures

It's been crazy.

Like out of control busy around here.

I feel like a morbidly obese dog running in circles, tongue hanging out, trying to chase my own tail, doing it all and getting nowhere.

Let me tell ya something.

Being a wife, mom, and full time nurse on a critical floor is exhausting.

I'm exhausted.

Both physically and emotionally.

But among all the craziness I've been thinking a LOT about the future and what I want from it.

For the first time in my life I am going to work, like I'm going through the motions.

Wake up, go to work, run around, are we done yet?, run around some more, go home.

Repete.

Don't get me wrong.

When I'm at work? I care about my patients, and always make sure that they get the best care possible.

I just never want to be there.

Most of you working ladies are probably thinking "Really Tatiana? Like the rest of us want to break our backs and sweat for our paychecks. Get a grip of reality woman."

But before you point fingers and start judging me, hear me out.

In school, I was always the overachieving type.

My highly competitive, choleric, neurotic personality, would obsess with everything she did.

I had to be the best at what I did, and was always trying to surpass my last goal.

Meanwhile, I was involved in everything under the sun from volunteering at least once a week, to participating in multiple clubs, and being the class VP several yrs in a row.

I was always on the move.

Always.

This being said, I always knew that I wanted to get a higher education beyond my bachelors degree, and never stop climbing the career ladder.

Fast-forward to the last few weeks.

I was at work, doing my routine thing, hating being there, and telling myself that I cannot do this for the rest of my life.

So I started thinking about what else I could do that would make me happy.

As multiple degrees, and career choices were quickly crossing my mind, I was eliminating them just as fast.

Nothing sounded good.

I felt trapped.

So then I started thinking about what I really wanted from my career.

Multiple ideas were flooding my brain, but they all had one common denominator.

When I put them all together, however, my career choice would be...

Ready for it?

a Stay At Home Mom.

Final answer.

With the common denominator being my daughter.

Umm, wait, WHAT?

If you would have said that to me a couple of years ago, I would have laughed in your face.

Like real hard.

Because I'm the overachieving, professional, career oriented one, remember?

Today, however, I sing a total different tune.

Being a SAHM would be the perfect career change for me.

Because today I'm wanting to raise my baby girl more than I want to get up the career ladder.

Because that is the only job that I have ever loved and truly enjoyed from the very beggining and it has never stopped.

And?

Because I'm really good at it dang it.

So this is my new goal in life I guess.

My new dream career.

And to my husband's great disappointment, I won't give up on it.

One of those days I'm going to make it happen.

But until then, I'm going to keep on going through the routines, meanwhile being the best at what I do and using the other gifts that God has blessed me with besides my mommy powers.

So, what's your dream career?

Are you happy with what you've chosen to do?