The worlds's worst runner coming right up

So 'member how I told you that I'm running (God willing) a 5k in the middle of September?

Well, let me update you on how my training's been going.

It's just roughly 3 miles, so I thought, no big deal, right?

WRONG!

Because then I found out that I can't just walk and get done three days later.

I have to finish it in 3o minutes.

They actually want me to run. Go figure.

Umm.. Oh crap?

So I had to come up with a plan, because let's face it, this fluffy hipped momma was not just going to move from not exercising in the last two and a half yrs to running 3miles.

It would have been as realistic as flying pigs.

So I went to my BFF, the trusted iphone, and purchased a 5k app.

Three words:

Genius! LOVE it!

There are a total of 9weeks, 30minutes per day, you run every other day, and it gets progressively harder and longer every week.

Oh, and wanna hear the best part???

This British lady talks and encourages me as I'm running.

(keep her in mind. She'll come up later.)

So far so good, right?

Well that's until I start running.

Currently I'm at week two.

{Shall I mention that I've started it like 4 weeks ago? Oy.}

Week two requires 2 min run followed by 2 min walk for a total of 6runs.

So ya wanna know how my run goes?

'Cause I'll tell you anyway.

Run 1: {ipod on, busting my eardrums. British lady announces that there will be 6 runs today}

Love this British gal! I gotttt this! Let's shake them hips Shakira!

Run 2: {4min later: 2min run, 2min walk} I should have worn an actual sports bra. This cloth breastfeeding one is not keeping my ladies in check. I wonder if my neighbors can see them going up and down. Boing, boing. Oh gosh, I feel very white trash right now.

Run 3: {4min later} Holy crap. I'm going to pass out. AND I really need to find a new place to run. The smell of all this cow crap is as strong as a horse tranquilizer. Maybe if I put my face inside my shirt I won't smell it. No. Your sweaty pits are just as bad.

Run4: Mother of all that's holy, I think my appendix ruptured. Am I dying? No. No. Still alive.

WHY! Why do I do this to myself? WHY ME?

Run 5: Oy my boobies! I'm pretty sure next time I pump, I'll be getting milkshakes from all this bouncing. And I swear this british lady is counting this last minute way too slow!

Run 6: Did this british heifer forget about me? Last time she said I have 45 second left was 10 minutes ago! Lady, say I have to cool down! SAY THE FREAKING WORDS!

And this concludes my 30minute run.

Which really was just 6runs of 2min and the rest was walking.

Yes, I thought I might die after running a total of 12 min.

Yes, I realize how pathetic I am.

But dang it, if getting ready and running this 5k makes me lose my last 10lbs of fat, I will run myself in the ground.

Mean while, all prayers will be greatly appreciated.

Have a great Thursday loves!

The one where they'll think her husband hits her

So did you miss this face?

Don't lie.

You know you did.

I know my mom was going through withdrawals over it.

Can you believe it's been two weeks since I've posted any pictures of her?

That's a total of 14 days!

Craziness I know.

This weekend however, I took my revenge, and was snapping pics left and right like a mad woman.

You know, the usual me.

Well, hello there, little heartbreaker!

You melt my heart forever with that smile.

Speaking of the weekend.

Ours was pretty fab.

Well....until I got punched in the face full force by some crazy teenager.

My right side was numb for the next two minutes.

So since you are dying to know what happened, I'll tell ya.

The hubs and I decided to have an average American summer Sunday, and hit the nearby water park with the rest of the average idiots citizens.

We were nicely floating the lazy river, infant very visibly in my lap, when some horny teenage girl thought it would be a great idea to spread some pheromones onto her buddy by attacking him from behind.

He in return decided that leaning backwards and dunking her in the 3ft water is a great turn on.

As she was flying in the water, she made sure to punch me as hard as she could on the right side of my face.

For a few seconds I was partially blind in that right eye.

I may or may not have called her an inappropriate word out loud.

Yes, there were other people around me who probably heard me.

She pretended not to.

Did I mention she was only a few inches away from hitting Giada who was in my lap?

All I got to say is that someone was watching over that teenage girl, because this momma bear would have torn into her pubescent face like King-Kong on a pound of bananas

I wanted to go to her and have a lit 'talk.'

But I was on a floating tube holding my kid, and at that point she was walking at a very rapid pace.

Man was it her lucky day.

We decided it would be a good idea to leave the lazy river...

Only after some middle aged man thought it would be cool to dive in the 3ft water and miss us once again by like a foot.

Can I get a "holy crap"?

For realz now.

I think this heat is severely affecting people's judgements.

Either that, or they just left their few brain cells at home yesterday.

But the rest of the weekend was pretty good.

We had some great, delicious, fatty food.

And then my husband kindly informs me that I'm starting to bruise up pretty good under my right eye.

A few second later, Giada thinks my nose should match the right side of my face, and whacks her head as hard as she can against it.

There come the water works.

Her's intentional.

Mine not so much.

I'm pretty sure my face will be even rougher than usual, coming Wednesday when all the bruising has time to really settle in.

I told Brandon that people at work will think that he uses my face as his punching bag for fun.

I may play along since I'm the newbie and need as much pity as they'll give me.

But the REST of the weekend was pretty great.

I mean it this time.

We hugged lots, played lots, and caught up on the missed time... lots.

How was your weekend?

A winner and A few things on a Friday

Hello long lost friends...

I have surfaced from the pile of crazy that was this past week.

Seriously now...

This whole waking up at 5:30am, starting work at 7am and not getting home until 8:30pm is pure kosher monkey feces.

And me no likey.

So here are a few things that have been going down since the last time you have heard from me.

• As of midnight, I've got a giveaway winner. And I'm glad to say that the 'random number generator' favored number 19, who happened to be my lucky gal Natalie. This gorgeous momma, is sweet beyond words, and has a precious little stud muffin of a baby boy. I highly recommend that you go and meet her. So Nat, if you would be kind enough to email me your info including address, and your choice of a Target or Starbucks card, I will make sure to send it over ASAP.

• I force that husband of mine to keep my baby up past her bed time, just so I can see her once a day for 10 minutes. I'm still having a hard time learning how to cope with this change.

• This new messed up schedule, is completely throwing off my child, who doesn't give a rat's left butt-cheek about the fact that I could easily pass out any second from all this sleep deprivation. She now wakes up at all kinds of ungodly hours, demanding that I surrender my 'ladies' for her feeding purposes. I feel very much like a 24/7 chinese buffet: always open, cheap, and all you can eat.

• Last night I had an extra hr to practice for that September 5k run. Instead, I decided to spend it with my daughter, watch some tv, blog, and eat a big chocolate chip cookie. All activities, were greatly enjoyed.

• Speaking of not running and eating big chocolate chip cookies, can those last 10 post baby fat lbs get the Franklin D. Roosevelt off my assets? Belly and hips included?
  • I SO miss being able to wear my regular clothes without feeling fat and pulling at my extra handle 'love.'
  GET OFF ME I TELL YOU! GET THE FDR OFF ME!

• I'm really hoping I get the hang of this new schedule fast, so I can get back into blogging and keeping up with you loves. You've been missed. True story! I'll be making my rounds and visiting as many of you as possible today. Also a true story.

Have yourselves a happy weekend, will ya?

Happy Blogaversary to Me!

TWO YEARS!

This little bitty blog of mine is a 2 year old toddler today!

Will ya have a cupcake and celebrate with me?

Come on, don't cha make me twist your arm.

I have initially started this blog in order to keep my family and friends informed on our happenings...

But it quickly turned into so much more.

This blog became a little haven for me.

Here is where I share the good, the bad, the ugly, the honest, and the funny.

Here is where I learn, unwind, vent, laugh, cry and meet amazing people like you.

Here is where I have formed some really great friendships.

So today I'm celebrating with a little giveaway in order to thank you for following alongside my journey.

One of you will be the lucky winner of a $20 gift card at one of two places.

So will it be the best coffee joint in town?

OR...

Every cool middle class person's favorite store in town?

In order to get in on the action, you need to be a follower AND (I'm totally stealing this idea from my girl Courtney, whom you should totally follow, since she's way gorgeous and sweeter than apple pie) let me know how long you've been hanging around those parts.

'Cause I'm curious like that.

And if you are just dying for some extra entries, here is your chance.

(Leave one comment for each, will ya?)

- follow me on twitter under 'TatianaL11 and let me know.

-tweet about this giveaway and let me know.

-tell me about your favorite summer drink OR accessories.

You have until next Thursday, July 21 at Midnight to work your magic.

And...

GO!

Good luck to ya and have an amazing weekend!

And now you'll know my secret

Is it seriously only Wednesday?

Is this week ever going to come to a freaking end?

EVER?

Last three days felt like two whole weeks in a rat infested boot camp.

Ok, so maybe I'm exaggerating a wee bit, but seriously now, it's been rough times!

So far I've had a crying, pity session every single morning before I leave.

I think my new coworkers are starting to wonder if I engage in some relaxing, ganja puffing exercise every morning before work.

How else would you explain the red eyes and the inappropriate remarks?

It's called hormonal sappy momma, and self diagnosed 'inappropriate remarks personality disorder.'

So let's move on to some happier things before this post makes you want to start popping some 'happy pills.'

I always find it funny when you guys ask me how I take 'such great pictures' of Giada.

Because really, I'm FAR from being a photographer.

This girl? Now she's a photographer. And an awesome one at that.

{If you don't know her yet, you're missing out}

ME?

I have a 'point and shoot' camera.

A good one, but still a 'point and shoot.'

So that can't be my secret.

What I DO have is a great model

AND a LOT of patience.

Like a LOT a LOT.

You think I'm bluffing?

Just watch this.

This is how 85% of our 'staged' photo sessions go:

I sit her up, she gets back down.

I sit her up, snap a quick picture, she gets back down.

Repeat the entire process 68 times until I get 10 decent pictures out of the whole thing.

And that's my secret.

Now you know.

Happy picture taking loves!

PS: I'm still working on catching up on all your blogs. It's happening slowly. Promise.

Also, stay tuned for Friday. I've got a little surprise for you. True story.

7 months

Baby Love,

Seven months! Are you kidding me? I cannot believe it’s already July and you’re seven months old! Each and every single month you impress me so much with your personality Little Love, and this one was no different.

You are one of the happiest kiddos I’ve ever seen. Unless you are tired or hungry, you like to smile and giggle all the time. You still struggle a little bit with stranger anxiety, but you’re doing a whole lot better than last month or even the month before that.

Bath-time, hanging out in the pool and any other water related activities are still at the very top of your list. As is food. Holy cow girl, you are a foodie. You love everything you are given, and get upset if someone takes away your grub. You got this from your momma, just so you know.

The only semi-dicent pictures that I was able to take, since my girl is as fast as an athlete on steroids.

You are a marathon belly crawler still, and get in a lot of trouble already. As soon as you see any type of plug or electronic device, you run to it as fast as your little butt will allow you to move, and proceed on shoving the entire thing in your mouth. Another favorite past time activity. You are able to sit unsupported for quite a while, and have even been able to sit in your own high chair for the past few weeks. This has been an enormous help when we are at restaurants, since now both I and your daddy are able to finish most of our meal before you get bored and demand to be picked up.

You are wearing size 3 diapers, 6-9month clothes, and growing just perfectly. You have started this baby talk and go ‘ba-ba-ba-ba’ all the time. If we’re lucky enough you’ll be saying ‘ma-ma’ in no time. Please make sure that’s your first real word. Please? As a favor to your mommy?

Have I mentioned she's a huge goof ball? 'Cause she is!

Joli-Jole, I cannot thank God enough every single day for how amazing you are and for all the happiness that you bring into our lives. Keep on growing an amazing us with your personality Little Love. Both your daddy and I cannot wait to see what else you’ve got in store for us.

Love you to the moon and back.

Forever yours,

Mommy.

A few things on a Friday

• The other day I was reading something regarding twitter etiquette. It said that it's not proper to reply more than twice on the same tweet. Thanks to this girl and this girl, I break this vital rule at least three times a week. At least. But somehow I don't seem to care.

• My girl has two chronic obsessions: cables and my toes. She crawls as fast as she can when she gets either one of them in her sight, and then proceeds on licking them.

Some one got busted! I'll spare you the toe licking one.

You can thank me in the comment section.

• I went in for a required physical for work the other day, and the nurse, who's gotten her license in the dark ages, was pretty much yelling at me for not having a tetanus vaccine. She also told me in a very matter-of-fact-voice that I don't actually have a latex sensitivity bc I have not been DIAGNOSED with it. This is after I told her that my hands and arms break out in hives after wearing latex gloves. Are you freaking kidding me? Do I really need a doctor telling me "Yes stupid, you've got a latex sensitivity, hence your arms look like they've got leprosy" in order for me to know that I'm sensitive? I just told her "It's just called self diagnosing you rude heifer putting two and two together mam".

• I don't understand why my 'wells' run dry every two weeks. One week I seem to be able to feed half of Ethiopia, and the next week I'm pumping the lymph nodes out of my girls, only to get an ounce and a half of watered down milk. The only explanation I can come up with is that I've got bipolar boobs.

• Monday is my first day back at the new job (unless I decide to quit this one too. Just joking. Wish I wasn't though.) I have to work full time until the middle of September, and let's just say that I'm less than thrilled about it.

• I admit that I'm a huge wimp, and cried every.single.day this past week about not being a SAHM anymore.

• Giada LOVES ice-cream. LOVES IT. I only gave her a little bit and she went nuts. Here's the proof.

First picture "Holy crap! This stuff is GOOD!"

Second picture "Woman, don't cha be messing around now. Hey, bring that thing back. I SAID BRING IT BACK DANG IT!"

Hope you all will be enjoying the nice weather this weekend.

Happy Friday loves!

"Beauty is skin deep... ugly is to the bone"

"Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes clean to the bone."

~ Dorothy Parker

Last week I was looking at Giada's chubby cheeks smeared with green baby food, eyelashes covered in caked multigrain cereal, grinning from ear to ear, completely oblivious to what she looked like.

She felt happy and beautiful

She was happy and beautiful.

It's things like this that bring tears to this sappy momma's eyes.

And instantly I prayed "God, please let her always feel happy and beautiful in your image. ALWAYS."

Self esteem is such a precious thing to hold on to, and there are so many girls and women out there who don't know how beautiful and precious they really are in the eyes of others, and in the eyes of their Creator.

Sometimes it's due to personality traits.

Other times is due to the fact that those around us make us feel ugly and worthless.

We are neither.

My entire life, I was lucky enough to be blessed with high self esteem.

Yes, I've had my insecurities, but I never felt ugly or worthless.

Still, my 14th yr of life was one of my worse ones.

I was the FOB (fresh of the boater that is) new foreign girl, whose English vocabulary consisted of a handful of words.

Faster than I could blink, I was placed in the bilingual class with the rest of the funny talking kids.

That, combined with the fact that I was one of those awkward looking teenagers whose new found obsession with pizza made her gain 15 extra pounds, made me an easy target for the prissy, rude, downright bitchy middle school girls.

It was hard.

SO, SO HARD.

Especially when you have some once adopted from a third world country, now self proclaimed queen of all witches teenage girl yelling foreign words in your face.

The 14 yr old me came this.close to punching her full force in between her front teeth.

The adult me would not have hesitated.

Needless to say, I'm still working on turning the other cheek.

While I don't go looking for a fight, I never had an issue with confrontation.

I also never had an issue with putting people in their place when they have crossed the line.

However, you take away my words, and then we have a problem.

As I was looking at my daughter, I was thinking, will anyone ever make her feel ugly?

Will she brush it off, and still know that she is gorgeous inside and out?

Will she know that true beauty comes from deep inside someone's heart?

Will she stand up for those who are left feeling worthless, and make them see how beautiful they really are?

Will she look past color, shape, size, religion, language, and background and see the beauty in each individual?

Will she love like my Jesus, her Jesus, our Jesus does?

I pray with all my heart that she does.

And I pray with all my being that we all discovers the meaning of true beauty.

Picture Perfect 4th of July

Did y'all have a great 4th of july?

Ours...

Well, you see, the last few days were, how should I put this?

Toastier than the Devil's gonads on judgement day.

Now, you KNOW that's gotta be HOT!

{...considering he's been on the 'naughty-naughty' list since before Adam's day}

So this long weekend, we had no other choice but to suffer it through

and spend multiple hrs in the swimming pool and grill every night.

Tough life we've been living.

We started our day of independence this yr the right way: with a delicious breakfast.

Have you noticed that my best days revolve around food?

And it was SO good!

Oh, and this kid of mine?

Has been sitting on HER OWN!

When in the hey's fever has she gotten old enough to do that?

Now if this man ever cheated on me...

it would be with Arnold Palmer.

The drink.

Not.the.man.

'Cause let's face it, finding him in bed with another man would be beyond creepy.

And this french toast he got?

Holy mother of all sweet things!

I could rub it allover myself and eat it for all three meals and the five snacks in between.

Once we were done eating, we spent part of the afternoon with our little family...

laying around, and enjoying the above mentioned weather.

Perfection!

The second part, was spent at my SIL's house, with a bunch of our friends, trying to find out how close we can get to eating our way into a Diabetic coma, without actually doing it.

Oh, and little side note:

Next time I decide to mix blue food coloring into white chocolate to make 'patriotic' strawberries...

Please tell me to go pluck the hairs off my legs one by one, because it would be easier and less annoying.

Or just remind me to get blue sugar in May, since every store in the state will be out of it after that.

Still, we all had a blast.

This was Giada's first 4th of July, and she didn't even get to see the fireworks since it was WAY past her bed time.

It's ok though...

I told her all about it the next day.

It was one of the best Independence Days I've ever had in my life.

And that's a true story.

Have a beautiful Wednesday ladies!

Momma got a break night

Happy Independence Day loves.

We're planning on getting our red, white, and blue party on this afternoon, with lots of food, family, friends, and front seats to the best fireworks in town (thanks to my SIL's perfectly placed backyard)....

But first, I've got to tell ya about my last Thursday night event.

Mostly because it happens every blue moon or so....

And it's the first time in the last six months for me.

Ok, are you ready for it?

I had a GIRLS DATE NIGHT!

Without my kiddo.

That's right.

Just adult girls having adult conversation.

Well, that's with the exception of saying 'good night' and singing "Five Little Ducks" on skype... Completed with hand-duck gestures, to the delight of everyone around us.

Yes, I've got many hidden talents.

Yes, I'm available for kids' parties.

Spread the word.

But other than those five minutes?

Total adult audience only.

I may have been as happy and excited about it as Santa on a cocktail of Prozac and Cialis.

Par-tey at the North Pole!

The sound of 'free refills' instantly doubles the size of my bladder.

I may have had close to half a dozen of those babies...

After which I really wanted to join in the rest of the tone deaf, 40 yr old virgins living in their mother's basement, for Karaoke night.

And my drinks weren't even spiked.

There's a reason why I don't consume any alcoholic beverages.

After some begging and pleading To save my friends a long emberassing night, I decided agains the singing.

There's always next time.

All in all?

We had a great night.

Lots of laughter, no responsibilities, and talk of possible future dancing without the unnecessary bumping and grinding.

Does that even exist anymore?

Just dancing and having fun without being worried that you may end up with unwanted stains from strangers on your party clothes?

You know, the type that would be very visible under certain blue lights.

Oh, and between the four of us?

I think we may have eaten a small farm of chickens.

There are Roosters crying somewhere in a slaughter house in Alabama's back hills.

I hope you have an amazing 4th of July friends!