Sunday, January 30, 2011
Monday, January 24, 2011
Friday, January 21, 2011
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
Monday, January 17, 2011
Friday, January 14, 2011
Thursday, January 13, 2011
One of the gifts my husband got this Christmas was the Matthew West CD. We were driving to the airport the other day to pick up a friend and he played one of the songs on it. As “Strong Enough” was playing, I was no longer in our car. I was somewhere in my past. Not the pretty part of it either. And as I was listening to the beautiful melody, the lyrics were resonating in my head, and they sounded way too familiar.
I lived that song.
So many of us have lived that song.
Once upon of time, that refrain was my nightly prayer:
“ I know I’m not strong enough to be
Everything that I’m supposed to be
I give up
I’m not strong enough.
Hands of mercy won’t you cover me
Lord right now I’m asking you to be
For the both of us.”
“I’m not strong enough to go through this.”
How many times have you heard this voice screaming inside your head while the entire world outside your window seems to still be going on with their everyday lives? How many times have you felt stripped down to your last ounce of strength? Just plain defenseless, naked, and exposed for every passerby to see, ‘cause that fake, forced smile on your face is no longer fooling anyone.
How many times have you felt like “rock bottom” was about 1000 feet of misery ago, and that there is nothing in this world to get you out of the black hole you’ve been stuck in for way too long. And you just can’t help but wonder “How can the birds still sing? How can the world still spin? How can life still exist when my heart is on life support?”
When I started this blog I never fathomed the impact this blogging community would have on me. But it has introduced me to so many wonderful people. People that have opened my eyes to a different kind of beauty. People with helpless and sick babies, husbands, and loved ones; people who have felt more pain in a few short months, than others feel their entire life. People with bleeding hearts. Hopeful, and hopeless people who just don’t feel strong enough to play the hand that life has so mercilessly dealt them. People who have the same thing in common: They all so desperately want to be survivors.
I know I’ve had a good walk in those shoes. A lot of us have. They are painful shoes, too. No, maybe you and I have not lost a baby or watched our husband go through a horrible disease that make him less and less the man you once knew. But pain hurts the same no matter the tragedy. Pain is not bias, and neither are the deep, life long scars it leaves behind.
But I’m here to tell you that there is hope. Trust me, I’ve lived it. Even when you feel like you’re surrounded by nothing but darkness, there is light at the end of the tunnel. How do I know this? I know because God has been so good in my life! Once I realized that He has come on this earth to mend my broken heart, I knew that there was hope for a better tomorrow. I let the tears that burned my face for way too long be wiped away by His strong hand. He picked up the pieces from my unrecognizable, broken heart and glued them back together with his love. He made me whole again. And in many ways He has done that through other people with broken hearts who have decided to help others with their stories. A lot of those individuals will never know the impact they left behind, but in many ways, I am who I am today because of their courage. I’m a better me.
What I’m trying to tell you is that it doesn’t matter where you came from, what you’ve gone through, what you did, or who you once were. Yesterday does not define you. This is your life! Your story! Yes, life will throw you all kinds of obstacles, but in the end, you’re the one that will write the final chapter. Make it a good one! Give it all you’ve got! You’re the only one that can make something good out of all this hurt. This is not the time to throw in the towel. Your story can bring heeling to so many other bleeding hearts. Be a healer not a victim. There is a world of bleeding hearts out there, so don’t be afraid to show them your battle scars. They are beautiful, just like you. They prove that you ARE strong enough!
“ I can do ALL things through Christ who gives me strength.” Philippians 4:13
Monday, January 10, 2011
Friday, January 7, 2011
This might sound foolish, but my love for you began long before I found out you were growing inside of me. I’ve dreamed about you for what seems like my whole entire life. I imagined a million times in my head your beautiful eyes, your little face, your pink lips, and your sweet smell. However, you my Little Love, have surpassed my wildest imaginations and my biggest dreams. You are perfect in every way and so much more than I could ever ask God for.
Even though you joined us just four short weeks ago, I can’t imagine my life without you in it. I don’t even know how I made it all my life without the funky faces you make every morning and your toothless, still unintentional, smiles that take my breath away.
In just a couple of days you are going to be one month old! I don’t know when this time has passed! In your four weeks of life, you have already experienced a whole lot. You’ve had your first “cold” (that you were born with, you naughty kid), your first Christmas, and your first New Year. Not that you care about any of those, but your momma sure had fun documenting it all. You also are learning how to use your neck (that you were able to hold up by yourself since you were two days old) and you’re getting better and better at it every day. You are such a strong little girl! You also are able to follow me with your big blue eyes if I literarily get right in your face. And your sleep! Boy is that a big challenge! Your mami is still trying to get adjusted to your night-time sleeping/eating pattern that come way too soon every 3 1/2- 4 hours. Both your daddy and I are SO looking forward to the part when you sleep through the night! When do you plan on doing that by the way? ‘Cause really, any day would be ok with us.
I know that you will grow way too fast right before my eyes, and before I’ll know it you won’t be my newborn anymore. However, no matter where you are in life, kindergarten, high school, or college, never forget that you will always be my baby girl.
As the years go by, I can’t promise you that you won’t face any hardships, or that your innocent little heart won’t get broken someday, because, as much as it hurts me to say this, you will get hurt. But this I can promise you: I will always be there by your side when you need a shoulder to cry on or a hand to wipe your tears away. Even if the entire world is against you, I’ll be the one fighting for you. You’ll always feel my love, even if you’re thousands of miles away. Yes, this I do promise you.
Both your daddy and I will do our best to raise you the way Jesus would want you to live your life. We’ll try to teach you that life is full of magnificence and that at times it can be hidden in the smallest places. Look for it. It may change your life. We’ll try to show you what real happiness feels like, how to love with all your heart, how to laugh until it hurts, how to treat all people equally, how to respect and help others, and how to stand up for what you believe is right. We already are your biggest supporters and fans, but also the ones who will tell you if you have crossed the line. Sometime we may do it with a look, and other times stronger discipline may be applied. However, you should know that it will always be done because we love you and want the best for you.
Please my dear child, never forget that beauty is way more than just skin deep, and that you should really read the entire book before you judge the cover. Make Jesus and your family your best friends, and you’ll find that you have a lot more joy and peace in your life. Be patient, pray, and fight hard for what you want, and if it is in God’s plan, you will have it. Always remember that God knows your future better than anyone else, and His plans for you are so much more wonderful than you or I can ever fathom. Just follow His lead, let Him carry you on His wings, and He will see you through any hardship life may throw your way.
Sweet Little Love, thank you so much for bringing this abundance of love into our hearts and such profusion of joy into our lives. I thank God everyday that He chose us to be your parents. What a privilege and honor that is! I love you more than life itself, and am so excited about all of the adventures that we’re going to have on this new journey that we’ve embarked on together!